Overcome my OCD

I’ve been taking my medicine steadily for about a week now. Yay. The effects haven’t sunk in yet. That won’t be for a while. But I can feel the drugs trying to right my warped mind.

Severe relapse. All downhill. No medicine for a long time. My boyfriend is not happy. I’m scared. I wish I could crawl up in a hole for a few years and not do anything.

I picked up a refill on my prescription last Friday. I’ve taken it, my medicine, once so far—last night. I am obsessing at the moment about a menagerie of things… Oi… I will take it tonight. That I can promise.

I haven’t taken my medicine in two weeks. I’m severely wigging out. The fear of the pills has resurfaced and so has the shaking. It’s bad. I’m obsessing over my relationship, my boyfriend’s mother, my schoolwork, everything. It’s to the point where my sleeping is even worse than before. I can’t fall asleep without an obsessive prelude that lasts for hours. I’m scared to take my pills. I’m scared of the shaking and shuddering that will follow.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with OCD. I was put on Zoloft… I have an aversion to pills. I have this sort of overwhelming fear that they will somehow choke me, etc. I have Pure O (Pure Obsession) OCD. I don’t exhibit compulsive behaivor, just extremely irrational thoughts that drive my family and friends up the wall. I’m no longer seeing my psychologist and haven’t seen my psychiatrist in quite a while. I’ve been taking my medicine, mainly to please my mother, and the thoughts have dulled… To an extent. I didn’t take my meds last night or the night before, and I feel bad about it. I’m not obsessing over that fluctuation in my behavior yet, which is good. My mother makes a joke of my OCD, and it upsets me. And I wonder, will I ever overcome this?