forgive myself

I don’t have anything to actually forgive myself for. I just need to move on and stop beating myself up.

In counseling this week I learned a bit about why I do certain things. I sometimes defy authority in a silly way, but it’s dumb stuff, like I won’t use a coaster even after having been told to do so several times. And I know it’s dumb, I think about it as I’m doing it, but it’s like I’m too lazy to do it. But it’s more like I’m rebelling in a little way to being controlled. I’ve always had a problem with controlling people having grown up in a household with this issue and so when I’m around someone who I find to be controlling or ridiculous I’ll defy them in this dumb way. So I need to work on being reasonable and conscious of this action to take note of how I’m “rebelling” and whether or not it’s the right way or the right thing to do.

Will I get over things? Probably. When it happen soon, not so sure. All I know is I’ve got a lot to work out because I have a hard time even identifying what went wrong right now.

Nearly two years and counting…I’m working on it though.