move out of my house

Just wanted to drop a quick note to let you in on a few things. First off, we both know that we do not see eye-to-eye fashion wise. I am well, WELL aware of the fact that you can not stand my purple corduroy winter coat with the muppet-fur collar. I understand that you believe it looks like a homeless person started a rock band and dressed accordingly. While I really appreciate the lovely faux fur coat you got me for christmas, that does not impact the fact that I am very emotionally attached to my purple jacket. As a matter of fact, yes, I did hunt and skin Grimace, the large purple McDonalds mascot on the way home. No, I don’t care that you hate it. I also don’t care that you hate polka-dots. I am currently wearing a highly fashionable navy-blue tshirt with white polka dots, and the fact that you keep cringing and feigning seizures everytime you look at it does not dissuade the pleasure I am deriving from my new shirt. In fact, it is heightening it. I love my tshirt, and I love watching you puke on yourself because you hate polkadots so much. Even if I hated polkadots, I’d still wear it to spin your head. While we’re on the topic of clothing, here are some other goodies for you: no, my skirts aren’t too short, yes I know you think my purses are ugly and awful, no I will not be dying my naturally black hair blonde to match your other two daughters, yes I do intend to leave the house looking like this. Moving away from fashion, lets talk about business matters. I waitress 2 days a week, putting me into close proximity of food for at least 4 hrs each shift. I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell me I reek when I walk in the door. You know what that smell is? An honest day’s work at nearly $20 an hour, so please don’t give me crap for it. Also, the food I bring home is delicious, at least to me, so stop making gagging noises as I eat my Cobb salad or mushroom burger. Some of us actually do like to enjoy their meals instead of taking the tortured martyr route and not eating at all. Speaking of eating, I don’t eat carbs. Doing this has caused me to lose an impressive amount of weight. If you don’t like it, perhaps you shouldn’t have made me feel so self-concious about being chubby and calling me fat. And if you tellme my low carb food smells awful one more time (ie scrambled eggs, veggie burgers), you will get to experience the smell up close and personal when I rub it all over your bedsheets when you’re not home. I’ve really enjoyed this little talk we’ve had. Love love, J.

I think my mom reads my journal. I think I’m going to start sealing the pages together with stickers. I think this is totally juvenille and yet another reason why I can’t live in this house anymore.

I just got hit with a slow creeping fear that i will never be able to move out, financially. Which is funny, cuz i;m pretty responsible with money, I have a decent job, and i know braindead morons who manage to live on their own. I just can’t shake it tho.

I’m 23, have two jobs, a boyfriend, and am trying to get back to school. My mom just scoffed at me and goes “You’re busy? Doing what??”. Thank you, Lady who does not have a job and sits home watching Law and Order reruns and singing to the dog which she loves more than me. I love them, but I have to get out of here before I kill someone. Thank god I have to be to Job #2 in like 30 minutes.

Things I’ll be able to do when i move out:
1. buy a new bed—the futon is killing my back, but I”m not buying a bed now, moving everything into this house, only to have to move it around again.
2. Cook eggs. My mom hates the smell of eggs cooking, which is funny, because I learned to like fried eggs from watching her eat them. Anyway, being a low carber, there’s not much else I can have for breakfast, so I’ve been reduced to survivng on microwavable Jimmy Dean sausages as my main morning sustenance.
3. Cook ANYTHING. If it takes more that 10 minutes in the oven, I have to get a court order, and a papel decree signed in triplicate to use the gas. Its just a matter of gas usage, you know.
4. Shower on a regular basis. Again, it’s just a matter of water usage you know. HEre’s a sample conversation I encounterd this morning after aking a shower:
MOM: You know, I’m still trying ot keep the water bill down
ME: And I”m still only showering every other day
MOM: You’ve had 4 showers this week!!!
ME: Yeah, and there’s 7 days in a week
Please also note i work two jobs—one as a waitress (stinky) and one as a massage therapist (oily). And I pay rent. WTF.
5. Come home whatever time i want
6. Have room for all my stuff
I’d miss my mom and my bro and the dogs, but I might strangle them if i stay here any longer. Plus Ifeel like if I move out, my mom will treat it as treason and excommunicate me from the family. GRRRRR.

I just found out that my best friend from HS is moving in with a guy she’s only been dating for like 4 months. This may not sound weird to you, but if you knew Steph like I know Steph, this would be cause for serious alarm. Super-Homebody Steph can move out of her house, but Faux-Rebellious Jacki sees some invisible, imaginary need to stay living in her house, even tho its choking the life out of her one small domestic annoyance at a time. THAT makes perfect sense

Ever see the Fisher King?
Where Jeff Bridges’ girlfriend is doing Lydia’s nails, an Lydia keeps complaining about her mother?
And the girlfriend says, “I can’t believe you stayed there as long as you did. If i had to live with my mother, I’d stab myself six times”?
Yeah, now we’re on the same page.