be happy

I need to fulfill a lot of other goals if I ever am to be happy. This is a complex goal because I need to change so many things about my life to reach happiness. I need to move, I need to start seizing the day, I need to find something of value to occupy myself with, I need to find my place in the world and I need to start living instead of just existing.

I’m not a happy person. I’ve never been a happy person. I can’t remember a time in my life when everything was alright and I truly enjoyed living. I’m 24 years old now and I’m sick of wasting my life feeling bad about everything. I’m sick of pondering wether death would be a relif or not. It shouldn’t be. No healthy person with a lot to live for should ever ask themselves that question and actually be serious about it. I don’t want to die. I desperately want to live. And be happy.