come out of the closet

the thing is, I am semi out of the closet. As in, if you ask me I will probably tell you. My parents know and everything, I told them when I was 15. They accepted it and still love me very much, I am 20 now. Most of my really close friends know, but also some strangers I guess. The only think I really want to do is be more open about my sexuality. I feel like I have to hide it sometimes or like I cant talk about it openly with people. To add to that, I think its just hard for me to meet girls. I am a woman, but I never know how to approach women really. Plus, everyone tells me that they would have never suspected me to be bi. Its also not a joke or anything because I tell them yes, I am equally attracted to both males and females. I havent had sex with a man, well, I have but it was always ridiculously quick I cant even say I felt anything. There was the first girl that I kissed, she really and honestly did make me feel like I was in heaven. I thought and still think she is beautiful although im sure she couldnt be bothered with hearing that now. Anyway, shes the only girl Ive ever been romantically and sexually attracted to and I so badly want that again. There is a girl in my life now, she does do a lot for me, but Im just not attracted to her in the way I want. I want to have butterflies in my stomach like I had with the first girl I was with. I miss the feeling so much. Its hard because sometimes a girl will look at me and I wonder what is she thinking? I wonder if she likes women? I wonder if shes in the closet? All of these things float through my mind but I dont ask. Im frustrated because I want to meet more girls, but I feel like that wont happen until I fully accept myself and not be scared to post my pic on a lesbian website, or be comfortable and a lesbian bar and feel confident enough to walk up to a girl and talk to her or dance with her. I guess I just get to feeling so shy and I dont know what to do, I dont know if the girls like me, although I am very attractive, theres a lot of things, but Im going to try to tackle one at a time. I guess the first thing to do is just be myself, be open about what I like and not be scared of someones opinion of it. Secondly, I will have to just be more open, stop trying to hide out, and just show who I am. For instance, if I were to go to facebook or myspace right now and change my info to say that I was bi, im sure some girls would try to talk to me, hopefully attractive ones. Im tired of only being half attracted to someone, it really just doesnt work. The sex is not that great, your eagerness to be with them isnt there. I feel like I am pretty and sweet and I want someone who has the same qualities. Maybe Im over thinking this whole thing. I guess where this starts is just being myself. Dressing how I want to, going where I wanna go and just expressing myself however I’d like to. I think i worry too much about what my parents would say if i walked out in something crazy cool I think theylll judge me or not say anything its just hard when you feel like you cant break free of anyones judgements, but their judgements only matter if I tell myself that they do. I really am a unique person, and I dont want to change who I am, I just want to be able to love and accept it.