be a better sister

I told her how my little cousin was feeling upset and jealous over a new sister. My mom mentioned something about my sister and I being close. I laughed and said we were a terrible example of sisters. She insisted that my little sister looks up to me and always asks me for my opinion before hers.

:) A little encouragement was nice.

Tomorrow is her birthday and I searched Hallmark for a half hour. I don’t know if I was looking for a card that said “Happy birthday half-sister who would laugh if I ever gave you a mushy “sister” card because we both know that is a joke” but there’s nothing like that. I ended up with a general funny card but it bothered me that I will never be able to give her a mushy sister card.

I’m 20 and my little sister is just about to turn 15. Sounds like a good age difference, huh? Maybe we’re close? Nope. My sister and my two younger brothers all have a different biological father than I do, even though he’s been my dad since I was 2 years old. My older brother and I have always had a bond because of that. My parents never treated us differently at all but For some reason, my brother and I kind of separated from the other kids because of that and the fact that they are younger, 14, 15, and almost 17 when my brother and I are 20 and almost 24.

She stays with me during the summer to nanny for my daughter. They absolutely love and adore each other and my sister and I have gotten a little closer because of the summers but I still can’t have a conversation longer than 3 minutes on the phone without asking if my mom is there.

Ugh. I need to be a better sister to my sister AND brothers and a better daughter to my dad. But whenever I try, the general feeling is, “Ugh. This is uncomfortable.”