Tell my dad how I really feel

I finally sent the letter to my dad. The decision to send it came after he called my mom whining about how he has a hole in his heart becuase he hasn’t talked to me. So when he finally does get to talk to me, he doesn’t say a thing. So I had to send it and let him know about himself. I feel a small releif.

I have not talked to my dad since April, when I called to tell him that my grandfather had died. He abruptly cut me off because he had another call, yet he did not forget to tell me that it was my sister’s birthday and to call her. He told my mom(it was her dad) that he could not make it to the funeral becauase he had to perform. Now he performs all the time and does not make enough to pay my grandmother for living in and tearing up her home, so I am sure one damn night would not have killed you to be there for your ex-wife, the mother of your child, and your first born child that just lost someone. But hell no, his selfish ass could not give that up. So I have not spoken with him since then. He called once last month and the message on my machine said “Your dad called, call me back.” At this point in our non-relationship, I feel that if I talk to him it is not going to be pretty. Then his damn feelings are going to be hurt, because the truth hurts. so I will just not bother myself with him for a while.

Well during Christmas, my dad stayed in my kids room the whole day. I think he was hiding out because his mom was here, and she got on him for tearing up her house while she is not there. He claims it was his blood pressure that had him all sickly. Since he doesn’t have a real job, he has no insurance, therefore no access to medicine. He had to use my aunt’s presricption medicine for his blood pressure. Then he asked me if I had some prescription pain pills. I thought to myself, it ain’t my fault you won’t get a real job. Then I thought ok, but you’re not getting my good stuff. So I just gave him some Ibuprofen 800. I feel like I am more mature and responsible then my own damn dad. It shouldn’t be that way.

Why when my phone rings at 3am, i’m not worried that someone is in trouble. I know it is my damn dad calling about something dumb as hell. I don’t even have to look at the caller id, I already know. That is just so disrespectful to call someone in the middle of the night for nothing. Well after I answered the phone as fast as I could, so it wouldn’t wake up my kids; the first thing out of his damn mouth was “does kj like Bratz dolls?” Have you lost your damn mind, it is 3 in the bleeping morning. He was in walmart the day before Christmas, and to HIS surprise they were sold out of toys. Imagine that, other people have gotten to the store during normal hours and bought it already. Were you that concerned about what kind of Bratz doll, that you just had to call. Why couldn’t you just look at your phone and say no i;m not going to disturb them at this time, I’ll just make a guess. But no, he calls, then he goes on to tell me what he bought my son. Newsflash, I don’t give shyt at this time, i’ll see it when you are here. Why couldn’t I just snap on him and tell him about himself. I guess I just feel that he is too far gone for my help, or maybe he needs a wakeup call back to reality.

Last night my dad called at 11:30pm. Just because he sings all night he thinks the world stays up too i guess. Now I have two toddlers and my husband has to be at work around 6:30am. There was no emergency, so what could you possibly need at 11:30pm, that you couldn’t wait til the next day to call. This is not the first time either, he usually calls around that time or later, then he asks “where are the kids I don’t here them?” They are in the bed, it’s almost midnight what else would they be doing. Get a freakin clue already.

My dad has been trying to be a singer since i could remember, now i’m 26. He was occasionally there for me growing up, but that was with a catch. He never came to anything I did growing up, and I was in everything imaginable. He said he would do better by my kids, but he hasn’t. Everything he does backfires, and he has nothing to his name. Yet I can never just tell him, get your ass up and go get a real job and get out of your momma’s house. GEEZ