have my poetry published

When I think of you,
Look into your eyes
I hear a cry for help,
A child in the midst of lies.
Nobody to talk with you,
no one you can run to.
You motherless pearl,
the one that everyone points at and says “poor little girl”
I see you in the corner crying,
wondering if anyone knows inside you’re dying
Wishing the clouds would lift you to Heaven,
looking out the window at a half past seven
Trying to keep your feelings inside,
why are you always trying to hide?
I try to reach out and help,
but you only rely on self.
Will you ever spread your wings and fly,
or just like a beautiful rose whither and die.
Look up child, dry those tears,
it’s nothing wrong with having fears.
For you are a special kind,
the one that will always stick in my mind.

Something that i’ve been tormenting myself about is my life. My empty unfulfilled life, that has no accomplishments. I sat there going back through my head, trying to think back as far as I could in my life to find an accomplishment. But I couldn’t, there was nothing there. I always felt lonely through my life, so I tried to fil it with friends. At first I thought it would be better, but it got worse instead. When I was little hanging around the playground with all of my little “friends”, every now and then I would hear nigger or black girl. I’d wonder why, then just soon forget about it. Later into my middle school years, my politeness got me nowhere with friends. The long hair and preppy clothes were too “white”, therefore I was called white girl. I would go home and cry to my mom about my problems. Then she told me, “don’t worry about what other kids tell you, just worry about yourself; friends can’t get you anywhere but in trouble.” From then on I decided to have friends, but not too close. If anyone tried to get close to me, I would get mean. I didn’t share myself with any of them. I would just smile like everything was ok, no one ever saw me cry, I saved it to put me to sleep at night. The boyfriends that I had didn’t know what I was thinking because I didn’t open up to them. I shut everybody out of my life, no one could get passed the attitude barrier I stuck outside of me.
Lately i’ve been changing, and there’s nothing i can do about it. I’ve been saying i’m sorry to everybody so their feelings won’t get hurt. I find myself smiling less and less and fighting and yelling more and more. I don’t talk as much as I used to, I don’t listen as much as I used to. My life went for a drastic turn, and left everyone dizzy, and me in the dark. I’ve been made the bad guy, the one that hurt everybody. I’m sorry, i’m sorry. i’m sorry, there I said it, bt for what? It wasn’t good enough for you, I didn’t mean it, why should I, I didn’t do anything wrong. You were just as bad for joining in. I wonder what I did wrong, I know it’s not my complexion, at least I hope your not that superficial. I’m sorry, I wish I could join in and help, but why, i’ll probablu do something wrong. Why is it always my fault, i’m not the only one. I see you everyday wondering why you’re not all dead, as many time as you’ve stabbed each other’s back, why don’t you be like me? Tell them to their face, it is the truth right? Have I been bitchin lately? I’m sorry it was a just a joke, like what you said, or was it true? Do you really think that of me? I’m sorry I wasn’t a’’ that you thought I would be. Can we start over again? Hi my name is __, how about you?

Sidenote: I wrote this in 9th grade, I remember writing it during my english class. As I was typing it, I was wondering what was going through my head at the time. I know it is full of grammatical errors, but I wanted to keep it in the same form that I wrote it.

His fingers softly caressing me slowly,
exploring my whole body knowing it belongs to him only.

Sliding his hands down my mocha skin,
reminding me of the state he put me in.

Tenderly kissing my berry lips,
as he makes his way to my pulsating hips.

Looking deep into my chocolate eyes,
gently massagingmy caramel thighs.

feeling the energy from my heat,
he lets me know his love belongs to me.

Moving his tongue sensuously down my back,
making sure I have everything I lack.

Making his way to my anticipating breasts,
he’s reminded of where he lays his head to rest.

Whispering sweet nothings in my ear,
reassuring me once again his love’s all here.

Sending chills down my spine,
I know this man is all mine.

Dear God,

Help me through this day,
help me on my way.
Teach me the works of the world,
teach this little girl.
Keep temptation out of my soul,
please keep me whole.
Love me all thy days,
and I will praise you always.
In my life you are the only,
for this I will never be lonely.
I am a child in your eyes,
forgive me for my lies.
I just have one more plea,
Please God, just bless me!

Look at us
who we are
we are not at the end of our journey
but we’ve come so far
we made twists and turns
on this winding road
trying ever so hard
to ease each others woah’s
we loved and fought
as hard as we could
not listening to each other
the way we should
our lives were changed
since the day we met
destined to be together
wrote in the stars I bet.