feel loved

I let go of the most amazing gorgeous wonderful loving guy in the world!

I am completely in love with him. I am so stupid for letting him go. I cant have him back when I want him so much. I dont want to hurt him again. I cant handle the distance either. I hate this! I am crying all the time because I want him so bad but I dont want to hurt him again….

I dont know what to do… I hate this…..

is a strong word.

I thought I was in love once, but I just got messed around. It was my first serious relationship and I thought I was happy. What I couldnt see, was he was a complete jackass! He treated me like shit, he made me do everything for him. I was 15 and he treated me like a housewife. I didn’t realise at the time, I was to young and thought I was in love.

His true colours finally came out near the end of our relationship. The first thing was when he tried to blackmail me into sleeping with him. He was a 17 year old virgin and said if I hadnt slept with him by the time he was 18 he would leave me. I told him he knew where the door was. I was 15 and underage, I wanted to wait for the right person; and honestly I didnt think it was him. The final straw was on a certain day the week before I broke up with him. He told me he had quit drugs the day he asked me out, and stupidly, I believed him. Then one day, we were with some of his friends. He made me sit there for 2 hours watching him getting high. 2 fucking hours. That was the last straw so I dumped him pretty soon after that.

After that happened, I had a really hard time trusting guys. I couldnt commit properly because I was scared I would get hurt again.

A year later, I had got more confident, but still had trust issues. It was then I met Rich. He was older than me and I met him through the lead singer of the band he is in. We started talking, and after a while, we started opening up to each other; telling each other everything from past relationships to family. After about 3 weeks, I started really falling for him. After a very drunken night where I had been drinking because a guy had hurt me, I talked to rich for over 3 hours. It was a fun conversation and the next day, I asked Gildor (the lead singer) what I had said. And I had asked Rich to marry me! I had never been so shocked in my life!
But it paid off. Three days later we started dating! A month and half later, Im happy, finally. I’m still scared about getting hurt, but I feel safe with Rich. I have never felt so in love in my life. I just hope it doesnt turn out like my past relationship. Well fingers crossed I guess!