...things are lookin’ up sometimes these days!!

Hope it lasts!

We’ve been in Arizona about 3 months now.

Sometimes i get so lonely. All my family and friends are in Utah. I don’t know where anything is here and i don’t drive so it makes it hard to explore. I’ve traveled alot but i’ve never lived outside of Utah.

I love him so much and i want to be wherever he is but i sometimes wonder if i made a mistake and should move back home. This doesn’t feel like home.

Sometimes i feel like i have moodswings. One minute i’ll feel excited and happy about having a place with him in a new state, and the next minute i want to break down in tears because i feel so helpless and alone.

The friends i have back home are lifelong friends. I sometimes wonder if i’m screwing that up.

Also, even though i don't like to think about it, my grandmother that i am very close to is not going to be around forever. She's perfectly healthy now but do i want to be in another state when she's not doing so well?  Me and my family have always been very close and do everything together.

It’s also hard for me to think about watching my best friends kids grow up through pictures.

I know i don’t want to live my whole life in one state but it’s so hard. I don’t know what i want.

Just before we moved i was starting to actually get closer to my dad for the first time in my life. We were starting to get to know each other.

Am i throwing this all away or is change good?

Sometimes i feel lost at the bottom of the world…

Has anyone else been through this and how do you adjust, or did you?

Discovering new music.

This week i discovered Regina Spektor. She’s great! Sort of a Fiona Apple sound without the bluesy sound of Fiona. I can’t stop listening to it!

And….Korpiklanni. Irish/rock/metal/punk sounding. Very different… but i likey!

Haaha… it’s funny because both artists are complete opposites. I like all sorts of music. Variety is goood.

1. I LOATHE grocery store music. I swear, they choose the crappiest songs ever and some stores crank that shit as loud as possible. I usually like to take my time and grocery shop FOREVER, but sometimes the music makes me want to get the hell out of there! Once in a great while you’ll hear “Cecilia” or some Rolling Stones, but good songs are one in a million.
Jessica Simpson’s cover of “Take my Breath Away” is unbearable and makes me want to put my head in the roll bins and shut the lid on it as hard as i can repeatedly.

2. I love surprising my boyfriend. Since i’ve met him he’s been talking about this book (The Time Traveler’s Wife),how much he likes it and how it’s his favorite book. I finally ordered it off of Half.com for him. 4 bucks for a nice hardcover! Pretty much new! It came in the mail today and i had him open it. He was expecting it to be a book that he had ordered a couple days ago. He was so shocked and i thought he was going to cry! I LOVE surprising him and making him feel special. Who says that only guys have to do that stuff? Once i picked some roses and put them in a cool bottle and gave it to him when he got home from work. He loved it. A couple days ago i got him a card that has Frankenstein in heart boxers straped to an upright table with a sort of S& M Bride of Frankie standing next to him. The whole picture is green. It says “We were made for each other.” I thought it was cute so i slipped it into his pillow case and when he laid on his pillow he felt it. He is so special to me and i want to make sure he always knows how much i adore him.

More thoughts later…. right now i really want to go read my book…. can’t put it down!

...no one else is qualified.

I saw a caterpiller nest for the first time! It wasAMAZING!

Art-To-Choke-Hearts

It’s been sorta helping me lately….

Autobiography in five short chapters, ^{by Portia Nelson}

1- I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost… I am helpless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find my way out.

2- I walk down the same street
There is a hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3- I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in… it’s a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4- I walk down the street.
Same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5- I walk down another street.