follow my heart

i have been…and it has made me very happy…I am actually happy, yet I will never let anyone around me know that (except for you amazing 43Thingers!)

so i tried to keep my date on a friend basis just to protect myself…and ehh it didn’t reallly work. before i knew it i said yes to going out with him, and now i have a boyfriend? eh okay. just a lil shocked and confused but thats okay.

I didn’t totatly play offstandish apparently…so huh.

well i do like him. I do =]
i love how he asked me to go to church with him in the morning…that’s always been the one intense thing that I have judged about guys…and without him even knowing it, he has made himself amazing

this is why I can tell tell I am pre-menstral

I want to cry because I guy that I may or may not like asked me out tonight…

it’s so silly how emotional one can become…

anyways back to following my heart… I am in a very tough situation that I have made tough on myself, and I am so unsure of myself that I am lost and confused.

I want to tell this gut that I have always had a crush on that just asked me out that “please try to just forget about me, I am honestly not worth your time, trust me I will drive you insane. And I really don’t want you to have to deal with me, I am not worth it, so as hard as it is for me to tell you this, I like you so much that I don’t want to hurt you or drive you off a cliff…”

i am sooo weird haaa

anyways who knows what i’ll tell him, you should have heard what I told my ex when I broke up with him…ehh haa poor guy…

i don’t know if I’ll let my gaurd down and be willing to be hurt for a chance of opening up and maybe find love…or I may just build my wall taller to hide anyone and everyone that has any chance to hurt me…for I realllly don’t want to feel the pain =/

i am biting my tounge as i don’t want to say this but,

i do like him, i have always liked him, and if i run away from this opportunity then it is my fault and i am just afraid to have someone always want to know where i am and what i am doing…

this issue is going to face me when i get home, and i have to try my best to follow my heart and let my guard down and admit to the true feelings that i have for this guy…

i need to take a big breathe

i just admited that i liked him. oh gosh. why now.

right now i am in a position where i really need to listen to my heart…

a letter i had written was found by a friend of mine

the letter expressed how i truley feel towards a mutual friend of ours…and kinna said i always have loved him… =/

so now. since that is out there.I…

I have denied what I wrote in that letter was how I really felt and that I never would go out with that person

yet

why in the first place would I ever write a letter to someone exppressing my hidden love if i didn’t really have it?

so

i just need to follow my heart on this one and embrace what my heart may truley be feeling and allow myself to give someone a chance