let go and let God

im letting God…
I’ve let go…

and now I feel free and joyful and merely happy!

things that are lifted off of my shoulders now…
I believe that everything is in Gods hands and that Rich and his family will be taken care of in the best way for their situation…everything happens for a reason and I know that God will help Rich and his family through their tough time (theyre being kicked out of their house on 12/31 with no where to go)I feel so deeply for them that I hurt deeply. All day I have been hurting deeply and its not even happening to me…Although God has finally givien me the gift of feeling…the one thing that I have never had…have never exoerienced

I have been intrigingly odd.

I have an intense sense of motivation and perfection and organization

I even am debating. yes debating (thats a HUGE step for me) to honestly let go and let God

I may just be having an apinphany alough for some reason I am just craving God. and I want to fulfill that craving, volunteering weekly at church without praying or even going to church…isn’t helping and I am willing to admit that I am lost, I have ran away, I have tried my best to hide from something that is inedviable to hide from and I am just ready to come back with my arms wide open crying.

i have such random mood swings that this goal drives me insane…but I NEED it so bad.

I’m afraid.

I am afraid to admit that I know that I am on the wrong path, and I am afraid to come back towards the light…for I know that I will have to put all of my pride away and trust blindly in the Lord.

I am afraid to let go and let God.

yet I know that is what hy heart is truley aching for