Help my mother in ways I have never imagined I could. Find a way!

and after Brene Brown says this is about foreboding joy…

and i get that.

she let me know that they found tumors in the CT scans I was just about begging her doctors to take.

brain, thyroid.

ah, well. this is what we all knew would come some day.

and, in that way, we all knew she was on borrowed time.

when she passed the two year mark from diagnosis, I was surprised.

when she passed the two year, four month mark I was astounded.

but, now, with her strong will, she will remain with us for a bit.

but, not long thereafter.

tough cookie this one. 12 years she has toughed it out.

2.4 years since the cancer re-occurred.

i have had my time with her. i have insisted on this, much to her often dismay.

her state hangs inside of me – it has for years but it is at a full gallop now.

i am sad beyond belief.

i know i have been there for her – even as she didn’t want it.

and now, she will need it more.

i hope the family rallies for her.

i hope we become the children she raised us to be.

email says, “Where are my kitchen curtains?”

“I have them hostage and I will bring them back soon.”

She wouldn’t let me clean them at her house, so the other night, I stole them. Washed them and brought them back in a day to hang them for her. Broke one. Hem came out. Oh, well. Wasn’t essential right now. They look good without it.

Got her a wedge pillow which she groused about…but then when I insisted she try it, she tucked in and I swear she looked happier than I had seen her in years. It was worth it!

I got the health care company to come out. Pretty demanding I was.
Now, she is going to have on-going care with them. Monthly check-ins.
Maybe, more often if needed.

I am now doing her weekly food shopping. It gives me a way to subsidize her food that is on her list. I get her much better quality food that she would buy on her budget.

And, I told her I sold her posters for 350 dollars so that I could give her money she believes she needs. She has money. She won’t spend it because she believes she will be alive for 20 more years. I wish her doctors would tell her that isn’t going to happen – so that she could give herself the quality of life she deserves – and not live in such self-imposed poverty.

But, they don’t.

I bring my daughter for a visit and they have a great chat. Complaining – lovingly – about me. Cute together. My daughter helps make the visit more pleasant between us.

I meet her: at her doctor’s, for tests, at a mutual friend’s funeral visit. She is generally short with me. But trying hard to be cooperative or cordial. But, it is hard for her to accept help.

Her best friend tells me she shouldn’t be driving. Broaching this with her is very hard – and she won’t discuss it.

I help her pull together her tax information. She is alternatively sharp and lost. Many statements are missing. She is confused by the two accounts and tracking which are which. I try to intercede to help. Stiff armed, I am.

Friends say I need to stay strong and keep taking over things. I have made ground in this way. The weekly shopping and my commitment to spend 2 times a week with her. This past week it was 5 times. She is yielding as she sees the progress we are making in things that have not been done for a long time. She sees we can get there if she allows me to help. Not sure why this is so hard for her. But it is agony.

I am finding a way. I have made great progress.

And, I am more authentic now in how I approach her. Grounded. It works.

we missed her birthday. snow wiped it out.

i suggested a redo to the family.

i haven’t heard back yet

we;ll see. gotta do something!

no good not celebrating.

and a poinsettia…and a couple of other things… like my daughter…

and of course, she just complained that “I shouldn’t have.” I know, mom. I know.

sometimes, you got to take what comes.

lol

that was it.

spent time during a storm.

hopefully that was reassuring, too.

We fight. She doesn’t want me bringing food. But I do. Healthy food that is good for her. Berries. That I know she won’t buy for herself but she will eat happily. She complains. “Stop bringing stuff.” But I do. It is such a small thing.

And a big impact in her quality of life. She doesn’t really allow me to help out in many ways. So, it is the small things.

Cleaning a closet. Not so much. But a lot.

And lots of treats. Set up her new Keurig that I got her for Christmas – that she was debating keeping. Brought her granddaughter over for a visit. Just shot the breeze with her. Talked. About everything and nothing. And then, left in a timely manner so that she could relax and get her sleep.

I really have enjoyed the opportunity to come to terms with her. Say goodbye over the past year. While celebrating the fact that she is alive.

We finally get to hug. we were never a family of huggers. But now we hug. That is a really great victory, come to think of it. What a change over the last year. We really have made a lot of progress.

Yea! that is a way.

she was cold in her house and couldn’t figure out how to turn on the little heater in the family room

so easy to help.

cooked her dinner, too.

not that she ate it.

lol

Bought mom some outfits when she was crushed to find something to wear and her online shopping had been a huge failure – and she had spent her discretionary funding and was in a corner.

It was the best money I ever spent.

except for … the best is yet to come.

found a way to buy her a very nice necklace that will be received not from me, but another, and will make her glow. Crafty I was in that one! I am hopeful it makes her day!

I helped get the shrubs in order for the season – finally she let me and then a great opportunity opened. As she showed me dresses she had ordered online – that were not good cuts or fits for her – I went home and ordered her dresses – free shipping on returns – for outfits that worked for her. That was incredible. As she complained, I did’t care because even I could see that she was happy with the ones that fit.

It was good to find a way.