email says, “Where are my kitchen curtains?”
“I have them hostage and I will bring them back soon.”
She wouldn’t let me clean them at her house, so the other night, I stole them. Washed them and brought them back in a day to hang them for her. Broke one. Hem came out. Oh, well. Wasn’t essential right now. They look good without it.
Got her a wedge pillow which she groused about…but then when I insisted she try it, she tucked in and I swear she looked happier than I had seen her in years. It was worth it!
I got the health care company to come out. Pretty demanding I was.
Now, she is going to have on-going care with them. Monthly check-ins.
Maybe, more often if needed.
I am now doing her weekly food shopping. It gives me a way to subsidize her food that is on her list. I get her much better quality food that she would buy on her budget.
And, I told her I sold her posters for 350 dollars so that I could give her money she believes she needs. She has money. She won’t spend it because she believes she will be alive for 20 more years. I wish her doctors would tell her that isn’t going to happen – so that she could give herself the quality of life she deserves – and not live in such self-imposed poverty.
But, they don’t.
I bring my daughter for a visit and they have a great chat. Complaining – lovingly – about me. Cute together. My daughter helps make the visit more pleasant between us.
I meet her: at her doctor’s, for tests, at a mutual friend’s funeral visit. She is generally short with me. But trying hard to be cooperative or cordial. But, it is hard for her to accept help.
Her best friend tells me she shouldn’t be driving. Broaching this with her is very hard – and she won’t discuss it.
I help her pull together her tax information. She is alternatively sharp and lost. Many statements are missing. She is confused by the two accounts and tracking which are which. I try to intercede to help. Stiff armed, I am.
Friends say I need to stay strong and keep taking over things. I have made ground in this way. The weekly shopping and my commitment to spend 2 times a week with her. This past week it was 5 times. She is yielding as she sees the progress we are making in things that have not been done for a long time. She sees we can get there if she allows me to help. Not sure why this is so hard for her. But it is agony.
I am finding a way. I have made great progress.
And, I am more authentic now in how I approach her. Grounded. It works.