stick up for myself

I was involved in an attack – with a whole group of people – and I fought back.

I was the only one. I stuck up for myself and I wasn’t victimized.

This was HUGE for me.

Fifteen people – mostly men – under physical assault – and I – when I was being confronted – fought back. I had nothing taken from me and I wasn’t physically harmed – as much as the others – because I didn’t just take it.

WOW. WOW. WOW. I didn’t realize this was in me. But my anger about not being victimized came forward and I defended myself. I stuck up for myself.

Good outcome. Yea.

I am coming out of the shell that bound me to be nice, not brag, not stand up for my work, etc… I am so out of the shell. I am not quite there yet…but coming out of the deep ocean that had me consumed.

I was going to create a joint venture with someone and when we were close to doing so – he looked at my thinking – and saw the sickness still left in it.

It was good to see the horror in his face – about how I couldn’t see my own worth and value. I am working hard to establish this.

Thankfully, some others see it – are elevating me – putting their faith in me – and delivering me into places I could only have dreamed of being before.

It is good.

This is hard to learn…for all the good girls out there who were taught to be subordinate. I am working on it. I am getting very good at it. Not completely there…but I am getting better and being acknowledged as never before. It is like wading out of a deep pool where I was over my head. I am knee deep. I am going to keep walking. I hope to be out soon. Wait for me…those who live here. I am coming out.

So…i used to defer to others on contracts and allow the lead role to go where it may…even though it was through my efforts – over years – that big things would happen.

That all changes Tuesday. With the inauguration, I am rolling out my new business paradigm that says, “I hold the deal. You sign on with me, you can quit me, but you aren’t taking my work when or if you go. I hold my work, not any one of you. If you aren’t happy go. But the work is mine and the work stays with me.”

:-) New world order….starting Tuesday.

I had a tough mid year but I did stick up for myself – and I got friends and allies to support me very publicly. I am not the one who was wrong and I was not the one tossed out. I made the crazy people FINALLY look like they were crazy and now they are OUT of the project, I am in and things have come full circle once again.

I will never roll over and play dead again!

YEAH! Thanks to those around me who stood with me when I needed it. For those who didn’t, I will remember that, too.

next time the rat bastards tried to “get me” I changed my response and it changed the world for me.

YEAH

It worked.

I am stuck because one of my best friends, all in the name of real power, betrayed me beyond belief. I keep trying to get past it, but the betrayal is now over a year old and I feel like this is consuming me. I can’t seem to make sense of a world where such a great friend would so betray not just me, but all of those around him in order to gain control of such power and influence. Every book ever written on how to get and keep power has found an example in him.

As much as I know this is about him, not me, I still feel like the one, with mouth open wide, staring in shock at him, for what I cannot believe he is and was capable of doing.

I must find a way to overcome my feelings about him, reconcile his actions so that I feel that I can be a friend to another again, and move past this in some way directly with him.

A dozen of his closest friends are with me, in a club, wondering who this guy ever was to us – when he was so willing to use us all, step on us all, and throw us all away – in fact he HAD to – once he got where he wanted. I can’t get over the rat bastardness of his actions – but feel that I must to get on with my life in a healthy way.