Learn Aikido

Some of you have heard this already, one of you, to my shame witnessed it.

On wednesday A and I go to Aikido training. Aikido
is quite a fun martial art based around avoiding being attacked,
moving out of the way and being a highly skilled wimp who knows how the body’s geometry works and how to do spock-like moves on weak points of the knee and hand. At the end of our two hour session, our “sensei” decided that we should play British Bulldog (otherwise known as forty-forty or basically a tag based game). If you remember this kids game involves running from one
side of the playground to the other, avoiding catchers who try to tag you. If they get you,you join the tagging team. An easy game you might think. No complex rules, no real skill involved. Its not chess or go, or even rugby, lets face it.

We played a couple of rounds, and after one scintillating twinkly toed bit of sprinting and whirling I was the last one remaining. Catching my breath I missed that our sensei said that I was now the catcher. The next round begins, I
sprint, whirl, and dazzle my way past everyone, ending with a superb kind of twizzly-dive to get to the end. I have run past them all. I am
a genius, I think. Truly a british bulldog. I have invented several new moves, pushing back the boundaries of this, our national playground game. Only I am not. I was meant to be the catcher. My twizzling running the result of everyone avoiding me as they thought I was trying to tag them. I am no genius, I am a pillock of the first order.A 7th dan jedi master pillock. Everyone laughs at me. I am seven years old again, my cheeks burning red with shame, my latin nouns declined incorrectly; 50 points from Gryffindor, no apple pie for tea. I have had regular flashbacks ever since, waking in the middle of the night. L cries with laughter whenever I retell my shame. I am a turdy, I shall never amount to anything for I am this.

Went to 6th or 7th class yesterday after long day. This time I got minor rage in it. Feel like it will be literally years before I would be able to defend myself even slightly, and some of the complex movements dont seem to defend situations that would occur, and half the time I feel the other person could happily clock you one in the mush whilst you are figuring some fancy hold and trying to work out the weak line. I know it is clearly a wonderful thing when you are experienced and can shift someone with literally no effort. At the moment I am clumsy and useless at it, which I dont believe I am in general. And our sensei, who is a dude, thinks you need to go twice a week 2 hours at a time. I understand that becoming a zen ninja is a slow process, but in all the films it only take a summer of condensed effort and you can fight crime in a bespoke ninja outfit. I cant fit more than once a week in along with having a life and doing all the other stuff I like doing like seeing my wife,eating cake and watching classy hit american tv shows to dull the pain of having to work all day. My 43things spirit is down ;_;

Gone to two sessions of this with another 43thinger. 2 hours of learning quite choreographed movements and falling on ones butt a lot. This seems to summarise all the new things am learning at the mo: surfing, rollerblading, aikido. Basically to learn a new thing you have to fall on your butt a lot I have discovered. Am not sure about the “philosophy” attached to aikido, but the grace of the movements practised by someone skilful is very genuine. It will take some years to get good at it I feel, my posture is bad and I can’t breakfall properly, but it is early days yet. Can I go for at least a year? I hope so … I am faddy so I suspect I won’t, but I hope I will.