Someone in my family recently went thru surgery to remove an ovary and fallopian tube that were covered in endometriosis.
I tend to be more reserved and positive in these situations, feeling that as the surgery is required and her doctor is a good one, that I might as well be upbeat and not worry unless they tell me something’s gone horribly wrong.
Another family member, on the other hand is a worry-wart. What there isn’t there to worry about, she’ll come up with, then impotently worry that do death while there’s nothing she can do.
Well the surgery is over, and the patient is recovering well, but also seems to be one of the perpetual glass-half-empty type. If you pointed out the silver lining, she’d point out how often it will need to be shined in order not to corrode, and that we don’t have a stepladder that high nor the polishing compound.
I understand that it was very scary being diagnosed and cut open, but all she is is doom and gloom about her future. She thinks that her health has always been bad. (She’s had a little bad luck, yes, but I don’t see that as a predictor for the rest of her life.) And she seems to think she’s heading toward all the worst life and health have to offer. I tried to be supportive and told her that she needed to start looking at things a little more positively just in the light that that alone helps your health, but when she started droning on and on about these imagined horrible things somewhere out there in her future, I just stopped listening and went into automatic grunt-mode.
I can take and even soothe a little “pity me”. I mean yes, it was scary and there may be some left over fear hanging around. That and everyone needs a little soothing every so often. But to go on and on then confabulate for future events just to make yourself that more miserable and scared? I just can’d hold with it, and that’s when I shut off. If someone wants to tell me how they feel, talk to me, just cry on my shoulder, that’s fine, but eventually I want to know that someday they’re going to pull themselves back up, put on a brave face and move forward positively. This glass-half full poor-me I’m-always-going-to-be-a-victim mentality makes me nuts!
Either way, I feel I’m still handling it wrong. Maybe there is some advice out there?
