love myself completely

I’m a model and I hate the way I look. I model because I can feel validated through other people’s opinions. However, what I really want is to just be happy with MY opinion of myself. Actually, I just want to actually have an opinion of myself. I want to have confidence in my words, actions, and looks. I want to mean what I say, I want to do what I want to do dern it! And I just want to once look in the mirror and say “You are gorgeous.” I want to know that for myself I am the standard to live by and no one else.