stop procrastinating

Has it really almost been a month since I last had one of those days, black days, as I call them (thanks to my choice of colors for the Outlook calendar)? June 8. There were a couple of nights when I engaged in online shopping, read my way through 43things, but none of that disastrous, once-a-week or more stuff.

This evening I’ve already been online for 3 hours but was offline for most of the week and I will log off now… soon… My neighbor will just have to live with the fact that I didn’t get around to vacuuuming until this late…

Here I am…

But at least I worked in the library today.

Right now I’m mostly surfing the web in the evenings… way too much. The days, thank goodness, are ok. I need to make this goal S.M.A.R.T. ...

P.S.

I tried to fuse my goal to “Spend less time fooling around on the net and more time actually working” with this one, but 43things won’t comply… so I’ll just paste these entries from the other goal onto here.

Feb 10, 01:34PM PST

I found these ideas (online, yes yes!) on how to fight internet addiction. Cos that’s what I have, not the case with everybody of course…

- practice the opposite in internet use, i.e. break established patterns: don’t check emails first thing in the morning (or first thing at the office); do that at the library, but only shortly. Don’t come home at night and sit in front of computer until bedtime, but shift just to the weekend, perhaps.

- use alarm clocks and other external stoppers: log on before going somewhere, when time is limited to an hour or so; try real alarm clock, and maybe have it checked by second person, so as not to be able to ignore it (rescuetime doesn’t work for me).

- set (positive) goals: schedule those hours allowed to be spend online! does brief but frequent really works best, in order to avoid cravings and withdrawal? and how many hours?

- abstain from certain sites and applications: complete abstinence is impossible. Not only for scholarly, or social reasons, but because of work (SEO and all that). Maybe: refrain from using a particular application (or sort of applications)? Stop all activity surrounding that application (or limit it to a particular day?).

- use reminder cards with pros and contras: list five major problems caused by addiction, list five major benefits for cutting down internet use. Which are?

- find alternative activities: figure out activities that have been neglected due to obsessive internet use, become more aware of how nice those activities are – and derive emotional fulfillment from them rather than from online activities

- find offline support group... that’s not for me.

- therapy – that is the plan, or, one of the plans. As far as internet use goes, I know the reasons… but not how to shake it, yet.

Appropriate goals?

Feb 11, 01:55PM PST

To make more of my days, I shouldn’t turn the computer on in the mornings, if it can be avoided somehow, because it makes me LATE. When at the library, it should be fine to incorporate occasional (but brief) visits to the internet terminals. (Unsure whether I should check office email at that point, cos there is always something to be done urgently and it totally distracts me from my actual university work).
In the evenings… they are the hardest. I might allow myself the use of the internet for half an hour on weeknights (Saturdays included), for, let’s face it, there are too many other things to do. And an addiction is an addiction. But 30 minutes is not A LOT. Is this realistic? Plus three hours, max, on Sundays (for instance after sports).
Sites and applications… it would help a lot to get over her, and her, and her. M, J, K. (It’s been almost four years since M! And I WILL survice running into K. another time. And J is… insignificant.) I was wondering whether I should set a time frame for this goal, but for what reason would I want to go back to researching info on them? So! And yes, I should tear myself away from 43things. No need to stare at goals I’m not completing, rather than tackling them in real life!
What about reasons to go online that really are “scholarly”? I will KNOW when they are – and make an exception if necessary. As for then list of alternative activities… I can compile one, but it’s so obvious what else I can do. Read more – real novels, not only world news, political commentary, but reading for fun!

It has certainly helped me in the past days that I was in a panic about my studies, and if I surfed the web, it was mostly do to things absolutely necessary – buy a book, look for a hotel, things like that. What’s beautiful about being in the library for eight or nine hours each day: Time becomes precious again. I’m happy that there are another thirty minutes before the library closes, etc. And I can look at my watch and not think: Where did the last four hours go?

1. Insane/inane insecurity. I still suppose that certain people I evade in real life will check out my fb profile. Am a sucker for this (real or imagined) attention, otherwise I would just put my profile on “private” (instead of wondering what to write, put up etc). Knowing why doesn’t help me to stop craving their attention, so what does? Therapy, and changing the privacy options. Hm.
2. Crazy me pretends that spending here is akin to making progress. Hell it is. At the same time, I know that life is passing me by. I should not use the home computer, stick to the library – and visit this site only once a week. How do I do that? Twiggle with the IE options?
3. I don’t work on / avoid my most important goal because I’m not sure how and if to proceed.

And so it goes.

Maybe the trick is not to have a computer at home and to leave my notebook in the locker at the library. But it just sucks so much that a certain person has reappeared on the scene and made sure to get my attention, or I think she has, and I feel compelled to keep an eye on her (in other words, to cyberstalk her). And it sucks especially since I just deleted the file (yes, a file, I know how sick this is) I kept on her from my computer, thinking I’d never have to deal with her again.

That’s the real problem (somebody told me and was right): When I worry about someone, I secretly begin to collect info on them to make the prospect of dealing with this person less frightening. Google, facebook, et cetera. I really need to to learn better ways of coping with difficult situations and intimidating people.

Other than that, my internet use seems pretty okay. I’m too slow at certain things, that’s all.

Okay, so I ditched the nasty habit of daily reading celebrity websites in exchange for occasionally reading the new york times’ “home and garden”-section. That’s a little bit healthier, I believe. With my one-time rival fallen into oblivion, I now don’t have to look her up on facebook (or her friends, or their friends…). That saves me another 30 minutes and lots of heartache. I’m glad, but I’ll continue to check myself for signs of trouble… (43things?!)

I am so out of control. Something happened two and a half years ago that put me in a spin. Previously I didn’t screw up so much – I would look up bands, and read articles on travel or literature, and chat a little. Or did I just not notice? The slow decline of the last two years made me an expert on celebrity culture, something that I’m actually totally averse to. I read the “vows” section of the New York Times, darn it. I google people, I procrastinate on facebook, and – possibly; not sure yet – on here. Okay, so the last weeks were a little better, I managed to change my unhealthy daily routines. So there is hope yet.