Fall in love

...am I right?!

My dearest friend, if you don’t mind
I’d like to join you by your side
Where we can gaze into the stars.

And sit together, now and forever
For it is plain as anyone can see
We’re simply meant to be.

- The Nightmare Before Christmas

I was thinking about this goal today…I’m not sure why. It’s a silly goal really…it’ll happen when it happens, I know that. I think this might have steamed from having been the only single at a party this past Friday. For the record, I’m very much ok with being single, don’t get me wrong. I don’t have to deal with half of the crap that my gf’s have to…having said that, I also know that relationships are a wonderful thing…the key is being with the right person. So, what makes someone right? Some people have specific things that they look for in someone else…and I guess a general idea is good to have…but lists of qualities? I tried making a list once when a friend had mentioned it…I just felt too silly making it…as if I was branding all those who lacked the qualities on my “list”. It’s not like I’m looking for a guy who can ride a unicycle or recite the alphabet backwards-although the ability to differentiate between my sarcasm and honesty would be a plus. The things I want are what I would think most people want…someone who “gets” me…and a cute butt wouldn’t be bad either.

...possible. God, I hope so.

An old friend popped into work the other day and we got to chatting a little bit. He asked me if I was still planning on going away next year…and I told him that I was thinking about it more and more, to which he answered…”Your parents are going to kill you! And aren’t you going to miss anyone here?”..So I filled him in with the lack of “someones” in my life but added that I was afraid that if I did have a someone they might hold be back from really pursuing this dream that I’ve had for quite a while now. His response was so honest and true and it made me realize why I’ve been, not afraid so much, but hesitant with falling in love…he said, “But if you find the right person they won’t hold you back, they’ll move you forward.”

He’s right…it really can move you forward, together. That’s the hope at least.

re-reading my entry I found it to be a bit hard. I guess, like most people I do what to fall in Love…I just don’t want to lose myself in the process. I never want to be like that. it’s a simple idea from Sex and the City…I know…cheesy, but a great quote, and i’m paraphrasing…’The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship is the one that you have is with yourself, and if you find someone to love the you you love, well that’s just fabulous’. That’s love.

but it has so many ideas, misconceptions and feelings attached to it. It’s a word that carries a lot of weight with it. A weight that many people, myself included, feel that we need to carry. Why do we do this to ourselves? I see and read of so many young girls (I know that boys are the same…i just havn’t experienced it), that are stricken sick with love, depressed to the very core of their soul for love. That’s not love. We fight for this idea that we create in our mind. We make ourselves sick, don’t eat, eat too much, cry, rebell, push away the ones that really care, and worst of all we sulk and feel sorry for ourselves. WHY??!! I am a romantic at heart. I do believe in true love, really. It’s just that sometimes it pisses me off that what we think is love, or want to believe is love, is really not. It’s only once we are passed it and have gotten ‘over’ it, do we see that we weren’t truely ‘in love’ but reather…I’m not sure actually…but it wasn’t love.
We create it in our mind…That’s all it is.