Be uncompromisingly true to myself

I am stealing some ideas from my buddy Mark Goulston MD and his fabulous book I am reading. These are rules about respecting yourself.

I am going to epitomize the following rules for being uncompromisingly me.

1. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
2. Stop fooling yourself and deceiving others.
3. Start standing up for yourself.
4. Don’t give up when things get difficult.
5. Do more for others.
6. Become more reliable
7. Stop complaining
8. Take charge
9. Show more courage
10. Be more decisive
11. Stop blaming things on other people
12. Control your anger
13. Own up to your feelings
14. Give more and take less

these are my additions
15. Be respectful and kind to others
16. Be patient
17. When you don’t want to do something, say no!

I am going to visit my parents and my sister and her family. My nephews are having their First birthday party. It is so wonderful because one of them has already had two heart surgeries and we are so lucky to have him. I am so excited!

Today was a better day, I was off from work, and the first thing I did was check my email and find a posting for the perfect job, in the city where I want to move. I was so shocked, I could only laugh! Then I spent a huge chunk of time reworking my resume and my cover letter. I hope, hope, hope I get an interview. This would just be so great!!

I am cranky today. I am lonely, cranky, negative, and out of sorts. I feel like I should be okay being alone, but I’m not. But, I feel like if I am around anyone, I will be cranky to them, which is stupid. It’s dumb I know. So that’s why I have to stay away from anyone else right now.
Cranky cranky cranky pants.
I need a file of things to cheer me up.
Cheer cheer cheer
http://www.glumbert.com/media/spiders
This is always fun to watch

Things to cheer me up
1. My sweetie is coming to visit me.
2. I will be FREE on 1 May and I will get to wear my pink purse and pink shoes to work if I want to. And I will be able to wear my hair down. And I can get a tattoo across my forehead if I want to.
3. I can sleep in tomorrow because I don’t have to work! yeehaw.

Okay I will stop complaining and if I have to go to sleep or take a nice bath to shake it off I will. waaaaaaaahhhhhh

I am so, so lazy today.
I need to get a glass of water but I don’t even want to get up.
I should go downstairs and eat something. I should do ANYTHING.
I don’t wanna.

Personal inventory from 2006
This year I: paid off my car, bought a townhouse (my first house ever), deployed for four months, applied for voluntary separation from the Air Force and got approved, and made significant progress on my savings.
In the coming year I want to focus on: healthy relationships, putting myself first, saving money, investing, working out, being healthy.

I want, as a subheading under this goal, the goal of spoiling myself. Treating myself as my own best friend, putting the salve on my own wounds, patting myself on the back. Doing for myself what that special someone might do. Putting my health, and exercise, on the forefront of my priorities. Getting enough rest. Spending enough quality time alone. Expressing my creativity. Laughing. Exercising. Saving enough for comfortable retirement. Cooking for myself. Feeling the sand and the waves on my feet. Painting my nails. Music. Finding a job that enriches my life and makes me feel like I have a purpose. Loving myself.

Today at work… I had a key disagreement with someone about how something should be done. The other person’s staff did things a certain way, someone was not read their rights, and so now the evidence is all screwed up. So now I have a statement written by a person who should be prosecuted, that I can’t use, because that person was not advised of their rights before they wrote the statement.

It frustrates me because I CARE ABOUT THE PROCESS. I CARE if people’s rights are not protected. And I also care about justice, that things get prosecuted when they should be. And now things are all jacked up.

Well, all I can do is speak up for what I know to be right. If I have to pick up the pieces later, so be it.

I kick ass.

That is the jist of it. and I’m not putting up with any more crap.

that sometimes I have a hard time telling someone when I am upset with them for some reason. I get angry/ irritated/ defensive when really I am hurt/ sad/ scared about something. I’ve realized that it’s part of being true to myself to find a way to calmly, not defensively, tell them how I am feeling and why I feel that way, so that hopefully something can be done about it or at the very least they understand how I feel about it. That way I can get how I feel out there without ruining the relationship.
I will need to practice this.