I have always been at war with my female side; not very sure why, perhaps I associated it with weakness, vulnerability, superficiality, vanity, perhaps because my father wanted boys, perhaps because I thought I would never be loved, whatever the reason, I despised pink, could not stand lace and frills or even colourful clothes, never played with Barbies or dress up dolls, never wore much makeup or dressed up, etc. I wanted to be a boy (in the general sense of the word) and worry about important things like war, technology, rock and roll, not clothes, parties and boys. Truth is, I thought I was not “good enough”, “popular enough”, “pretty enough” to be a girl, so why fake it?
But I’m thankful to say I have overcome a lot of it. There was a time in which I only wore black, but now I can accept pastel colours (not bright ones, no apple green or anything too cheery) and can even wear a pink top as long it’s a grey rose hue, not bubble gum pink. I can wear skirts with frills too, as long as they are not overdoing it. I can´t go for the fresh flowery fragrances, though, they are just not me, I´m atracted to more sensual, dark undertones (Hypnotic Poison is my favourite). Can’t stand floral prints, or flowers on shoes, or feathers, eughh….