accept death

My boyfriend of over 3 years committed suicide on July 9th, and I am having trouble accepting his death. It is so difficult, because besides missing him in the present, I have so many memories of the past and a lack of hope for the future. I am having no problem accepting my own death, it is the death of others that is causing me so much grief and anxiety. He was only 20… so intelligent… so creative… and an extraordinary best friend/boyfriend…I feel as though I have lost my link to reality.