find my way

how much of your life is perception? While I not trying to reinvent the adage “Perception is reality” – lately I have been questioning so many long held beliefs and finding that the world is a much different place. We do what we do because of the way we percieve things. The entire world is framed up the structures of our perception. If for some reason you are either intimidated by something or someone – your world is framed up against this. When this element of your world comes upon the scene – you will avoid, appease, confront, or any other number of coping behaviors. Your perception of time is impacted. Your filters of observations are clogged. You don’t live as a full you, but rather as a reaction to something.
I have found myself living more as a full person lately. I just don’t care about what certain people or elements of my life have to say. I have been just living. Many of the percpetions that dictatited my behavior have proven to be without any true consquences. Sometimes it is completely liberating – sometimes it is a bit unnerving. Letting go of things often is unsettling. In the same moment, the other side of the coin, the ying to the yang, there is freedom that is gained from letting go. This dicotomy exists in every moment.
I suppose it really depends on which element of the moment you perceive.
But I ramble….

After 40 weeks of locust and honey,
I have returned with a newly found focus
In my isolation I have discovered many things
strengths, weaknesses, truths and falsehoods
that existed unrecognized under the veneer of expected roles
This new found focus brings with it a huge responsibility,
To live this life with the understanding that
There is no path save the path of personal truth
As rocky and painful as it may be at times
There are moments of true and blissful beauty
And this, this is life that we were born to live.

I have come to understand that life isn’t quite as complicated as I once thought.
1. If you are in moment of indecision – step back and honestly assess where you are standing. Realize that everything is simply as it should be. Then figure out where you want to go from that point. Then go.
2. The life you are living only exists in the moment that you are alive. The future has not yet arrived and the past is simply history. Enjoy the moment.
3. Treat everyone the way you would like to be treated. With the same consideration and compassion that you expect. Don’t expect anything back for the consideration and compassion you expend. This will make your giving genuine and you will not be in state of want.
4. Give away all that you can’t use and someone else has need for. The resources that you provide to someone in need or want will come back to you. And most importantly – it will come back to you when your need for it is the greatest.

I hope you are all well. I am the best I have ever been. There is love and hope in my heart.
Matt

a long time ago. The final chapter began on 12/14/07 and the days and pages since then have been written in a strange cryptic language. In those pages I have found a heady bewilderment – a mixture of wonder, paradim shifting, and the scary freedom that comes from standing on a high ledge and wondering if you really can fly.
For those paying attention – my attendence here has been spotty at best. A few of you have even been kind enough to inquire as to my where abouts. For the audience at home, it would only be fair to let you in on what is unfolding.
I moved out of my house and am getting separated. My current living conditions are passable but not ideal. I have no real complaints other then the lack of internet access. It’s warm, it’s got a pull out couch, and it’s relatively private. Those who own the space I am inhabiting are more then kind and I am in great debt to them.
So, I am on the path to find my way. I have already found that there are some who will not be joining me on this journey. They have decided to remain in the camp that I have left. I find no fault in this decision – not all things can remain intact during periods of great upheaval. These lost relationships had already showed signs of structural weaknesses and were simply held together by the fact that they were braced the familiar and daily routine.
So many things that come and go in this strange landscape. I intend to document as much as I when I reach the summit and look back at the valley from where I have ascended – I remember. I remember and learn.
For this is nothing more then a journey to understand the landscape that lies within my heart and mind.

For those who want to follow along – the intial sound track is to be taken direct from the following – Artist Bishop Allen, Album – Broken String – in the published track order. A listen with headphones with a focus on the lyrics will do the reader much justice.
till next time,
Matt