Lose 30 pounds

I did it! As of this morning it’s 199.6. My goal was 200. I did it!!!!!! I actually finished something – something hard!!!

I’m so pumped!

I got myself a congratulations gift – a little digital recorder I can use to record rehearsals for my bands and sessions when I go to the music camp/festival I go to every year. It’s complicated and oh so cool.

I’m off now to join the “lose 20 pounds” goal, as I’m not yet at an ideal weight, but I wanted to do 30 first as a good, realistic goal. Next stop is 180 – then reevaluate from there. I’m keeping this on as “want to do again” though, as a) 170 would be even better than 180, and b) I want it on there to remind me to keep the weight off and not become complacent.

HUGE HUGE HUGE thank yous to EVERYONE who has encouraged me along the way – you guys have helped more than you can possibly know.

Well, as of this morning, my scale said 200.6 – that’s .6 away from my goal!!!! I’m pumped and totally feeling good about re-committing for the next 20!

And this year I am giving up eating out. This is an area where I’m constantly falling down and is a symptom (for me) of laziness and gluttony. I don’t need to eat out just for comfort and convenience. So hopefully, if I can manage the 40 days, I’ll have built a new habit.

As I type this, though, I’m realizing this is going to be awfully hard. I’m travelling four times over the next month and a bit for work and will be staying in hotels. How do you not eat out??? I’ll have to get creative I guess. :) I don’t believe I’ll be able to avoid it completely but I will make the effort and when I do have to go out, make particular effort to make a sensible choice.

Man, I’m getting frustrated with myself. My mind knows what I need to do to lose the last of my 30 pounds. My body is not that unwilling to do it, as evidenced by the fact that losing the first 25ish was not unpleasant. I felt better, actually. But lately it’s like I’m on autopilot. f(food that’s bad for me) = ( I want food x. I tell myself, food x is bad for you and will sabotage your diet. My mind wanders. Next thing I know I’ve gone to the fridge, gathered necessary ingredients and equipment, prepared food x, and polished it off and am feeling crappy. So I take a nap.) Yes, I’m in completely inappropriate and inaccurate math metaphor mood. Don’t ask.

Grumpy, grumpy catachrest. Yes, I’m stressed out and stuff, but that’s no excuse. I mean, really. What’s up with this? I’ve gotta get myself under control.

You know what? Winter sucks. Winter makes me want to stay inside, eat fatty foods and hide from the cold. I’m blaming everything on winter, so there. Oh, okay, can’t so much do that. I retract my complete blame of winter. But I still resent it heartily.

I’m getting pretty rambly, so I’m just going to stop now. This has been the electronic equivalent of kicking the pillows and shouting wordlessly.

(Kick) Gaaagh!

Why can’t I break 206??? I’ve been the same avg weight (with day-to-day variations) for weeks now. Granted, I’ve been stressed to the gills with work and personal life and so eating emotionally alot, but you’d think I’d see some change. And I’m so close to my goal (200 is my initial goal, my 30 lb mark), and to be stuck here, in sight of victory without moving forward, is so frustrating.

I’m so tempted to get down on myself, tell myself to “just buckle down and get some discipline already” and this is not untrue, but I think it’s also the wrong approach. Any time I take that approach with myself – the self-scolding – it works only very short-term and just results in me getting down on myself.

What I need is to accentuate the positive: buy some really yummy healthy food, take the time to dance around the apartment, work on my emotional outlook. I know that if I can just cut down on the stress eating and eating whatever’s fast and convenient rather than making the effort, then I’ll see more success.

And it fit! The non-plus size blouse I bought thinking “once I lose just a tiny bit more weight…” and not only did it fit, it’s almost loose! This is the first time I’ve tried it in awhile, and though the scale hasn’t gone down much since then, aparently something has! Yay!

Only 7.2 pounds left to reach my (initial) goal!!! Hurray!
Getting closer…

Well, the past couple of weeks I have been bombing on my healthy living campaign! My exercise has gone down, my bad eating habits have returned, and my efforts to motivate myself and keep myself on track (eg tracking my food and weight) have been slacking off. Partially this is due to my tendency not to finish what I start, but moreso I think it’s due to my emotional state. I’m really bad for emotional eating; when I’m bored or worried or depressed, I seek out the chocolate. And the past few weeks I have been all of the above, for various reasons. I’ve got to get back on track; so far I haven’t gained anything back, but I’m not losing either.

It’s so weird how the mind works – or maybe I should just say how MY mind works. I KNOW that eating better and making myself get up and exercise in the mornings will help me feel better and better able to deal with the stuff that’s bothering me. I’ve experienced this over the past few months since I started this goal and the “exercise regularly” goal. But just try convincing me of that when I’m lying in bed in the morning staring out the window at cold winter clouds and contemplating going to work and how nice it would be to stay in bed all day!

Winter sucks. It’s been -30 or worse (including windchill) all week. (That’s Celsius, but at that point on the thermometer, the difference isn’t that big – C and F meet at -40). I’ve been wanting to go swimming, but the walk, relatively short as it is, to the Y and back in the dark and the cold after work is just not happening. Sigh! Yes, I could do it. But frankly it’s not a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

But I know that if I can just get back on track, maybe I can make it almost to my goal by new year’s. I only have ~9-10 pounds to go! Please keep me in your prayers! Just gotta stay motivated, eyes on the prize, to use a terribly cheesy cliché.

A quick note for people steeling themselves for holiday parties and entertaining: the Canadian Health Network has put some tips on their website under the title “Step away from the buffet!”.
Go to: here

Well, at lunch today I was in line for my usual Subway chicken-and-veggies sub, being good. The line was long and slow. Then I noticed that the line at New York Fries was nonexistent. And there were pictures of fries – they called me. It was like the lamb on the Simpsons episode that appears to Lisa and says “Lisa, don’t you looooove me?” (though in that case, she was feeling guilty about eating the lamb).

So, long story short, I caved. Fries with chili and cheese curd. What can I say? When I cave, I cave hard. So now not only am I feeling slightly guilty (but only slightly, as I’ve been very good lately) but also somewhat nauseous. I’m not used to that kind of food any more. My mouth wanted it, but now my body’s giving me that reproachful “what are you trying to do to me?” feeling.

In a way, this is a positive – shows that, to some extent, I’ve gotten my metabolism out of the high-fat, high-grease mode. Definitely a reason to stay in line a little longer for the sandwich next time.