rather than actually made me laugh, but I’ll share them anyway. If nothing else, the drunken night that accompanied the compilation of this list qualifies as ‘a thing that made me laugh’!
I’m not entirely sure how or why we decided to do this, but a friend and I once spent a long time picking holes in proverbs; these are the ones that I remember:
Business before pleasure is surely a prostitute’s philosophy?
A stitch in time would be nearly impossible to achieve as time is a nonspatial continuum and therefore it’s quite difficult to stick a needle and thread into it.
If someone’s made their bed, now probably isn’t the time to lay in it.
People in glass houses should rethink their choice of accommodation.
If cleanliness is next to Godliness, people with OCD should be deified.
If you scratch my back and I scratch yours, we’re probably having great sex.
Still waters don’t run anywhere, they’re still.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence because my neighbours take better care of their lawn.
Two heads may well be better than one, but not on the same body.
Two is company, three means we’d better get another bottle of wine.
Virtue is its own reward, but I’d rather have money.
When the cat’s away, the owners will be looking for it.
You can’t judge a book by its cover but reading the back cover notes will give you a damned good indication.
You don’t get something for nothing unless you’re a thief.
You can have your cake and eat it, what you can’t do is eat your cake and have it too.
Bad news travels fast but juicy gossip travels faster.
Blood is thicker than water, but it’s not nearly as thirst quenching.
You can’t count your chickens before they hatch; you’d be counting eggs.
If there’s safety in numbers, I probably should have been a mathematician.
If all roads lead to Rome, why do I keep ending up back in Manchester?
