2012: My healthiest year yet!

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty rubbish. Luckily not mentally but physically for sure. I know I’ve put on a considerable amount of weight (though thankfully am not up to my highest) and I feel sluggish and achy more than I don’t.

I really really want to sort this out, hence numerous added and deleted/failed goals about losing weight or starting some new health fad. I know I need to work on what stops me continuing but until then I’ll keep trying until I can either/both do this and something sticks.

The most recent thing I’m thinking about is good old walking. Nothing major, not pushing myself dramatically, just making sure I go out for a stroll at least once a day. As long as the weather perks up and we get at the very least a dry Summer, this shouldn’t be too onerous, plus it fits in with my “getting off the train” goal.

I’ve found a couple of nice resources to help, everyone loves a plan right?! The first is a 12 Week Beginners plan and from the same site, information on beginning a walking plan. The second is http://walkit.com which I’ve just signed up to. The reviews for the iPhone app are rubbish which is a shame but the website is really good.

So here goes, I plan to do my first walk tomorrow! _{handy that the 12 week plan starts on a Sunday…}

For a long time, I’ve been cringing every time I see this goal.

Although it states ‘health’, I think my underlying intention/meaning was ‘lose weight’ and if that wasn’t the whole, it was certainly the major focus when I added it.

• Starting last November I’ve been making great strides with my mental health. I get on fantastically with Citalopram and the balance this has given me has allowed me to work on forging positivity and thinking about how I think, mainly about myself, generally. I’ve fought depression for basically as long as I can remember so this is fantastic and I never have that feeling of fear that at any point I might suddenly plummet off the edge of ‘normality’ and be stricken by negative thoughts and inertia.
• I’ve made an (admittedly pretty poor!) attempt at giving blood. Although this didn’t work out I know I’m prepared to give it another whirl and it’s also lead me to find out my blood group, which is always useful.
• I have a gyno appointment on Monday for something I should have done several years ago. I’m not looking forward to the procedure itself but I am weirdly excited about getting it over with and being able to tick it off my list.
• As mentioned in yesterday’s Grats, I have a coupon for a full dental healthcheck. I’ve been very stubborn about going to the dentist as an adult as I really object to paying, even if you’re NHS (it should be the same as the doctor IMO), and I’ve always taken care of my teeth and had compliments on them. However it will be great to see if there is anything wrong and think about fixing it if so.
• I also have a voucher for a head massage which I’m really looking forward to. The appointment also includes a spinal assessment (I imagine this will amount to ‘are you wonky?’)

So there we go, it’s not all bad at all, I’ve accidentally been doing fairly well it seems!

I mentioned yesterday that I’d stumbled on a great Tumblr and via that I found the website bodypositiveyoga.com.

Take a moment to look around. Here is a plus size gal doing some incredible yoga moves and espousing body positivity at every turn. Now, of course you can argue until the cows come home about “Health at Every Size”, but I personally think that, whatever your size and whatever your desired size, it’s important to be happy in your skin in the here and now, even if you are on a journey to change it. This post is particularly good.

It’s something I definitely struggle with but websites like this certainly help :)

it may not be quite going to the plan I had in December/January but I have just made an appointment for a Lady Thing which I’ve avoided up until now. So that’s something.

I’ve been pinning like a demon on Pinterest this evening and came across a pin that caught my eye, the article for which I clicked through to read, not expecting much…but…these are actually great:

30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

Well, as I’ve mentioned this isn’t going as planned!

Firstly I’m going to divert slightly to talk about my medication because I need to get some stuff off my chest. I forgot to take it today, doubly annoying because I have an alert on my phone, only the alert had somehow been turned off (I truly didn’t do this, even accidentally! Have now reset!). The effects are instantaneous. It’s like the worst raggedy, niggling, hot follicled PMT. My temper was short, I nearly cried because the guy I have a crush on at work went off on a half day and I became convinced it was because he was off to do something with his girlfriend (a girlfriend I have no idea if he even has and I don’t talk to him anyway, it’s all just ridiculous nonsense!) and my witty comments which usually are witty, became overly tinged with snipey sarcasm. I also had very limited patience. It wasn’t helped by the fact that our office is so hot it’s unbearable, making everyone tired, lacking in motivation and irritable. And then I took the bus home because I didn’t fancy the train and now I’ve got awful motion sickness from sitting on the bottom deck. A shitty day all round.

The important thing though is that I don’t feel myself descending into depression, I just feel crap. It makes me realise this medication really is working for me and that I really need to bloody well stick to it! (I truly want to, but I’ve had a brain of mush yesterday and today so it’s not surprising that without the alert it slipped the net). So yeah, no real point to that, just wanted a rant :)

The other thing which has slipped is healthy eating and exercise. I may have my kettlebell in the house now but do I use it? Do I bollocks! It’s so frustrating to be so unable to get the oomph to start a routine because it’s such a simple thing, and I have the time. It’s not like I have a crammed social/work like that means I can’t fit in 10 – 15 minutes a day of swinging a 5kg weight…

Diet wise I’ve been pretty dreadful. Lots of carbs, sugar, salt, processed meat etc etc. I want to lose weight for my jaunt to Vienna in May. That’s 12 weeks away so when I’ve finished here I’m off to add a ‘12 weeks of WeightWatchers’ goal. And then I’m going to get on Google and try and find some resources to help with motivation and so on. Maybe I guess ways of making yourself feel you’re worth making that kind of effort for? I do often wonder if my eating etc. is something to do with “punishing” myself for not being good enough, but then I also think it’s a substitute for love/something to do when bored. Then in my more rational and stable moments I think that’s all a load of old shit and that I’m just a hog ;-)

Right. Time to be quiet now, obviously verbal diarrhea is another symptom of forgetting one’s drugs!

Well, to be honest, 2012 has been one of my unhealthiest years yet!

I started it off being ill, was better for a while and then became incredibly ill for 2.5 weeks. I’m so much better now but I’m still not out of the woods.

Mentally I feel a bit groggy, a bit stilted and like I’ve slipped into a kind of restrictive comfort zone. I want to get out more, see more things, meet more people, but something is stopping me. This is something to work on.

Physically as stated above, I’ve been ill. I notice in my last entry I mentioned that this hadn’t effected my resolve to eat well. Hmm. Can’t say that’s continued. My lack of motivation (in general) and lingering illness has created a inability to get with it and properly plan, eat well and keep healthy. It’s frustrating I can’t lie.

However, I am determined to do my best and get out of the fug that’s surrounding everything. I’m not having a major moment or anything, I just feel blah and could do with a spark (or maybe a rocket up my arse!) to get me going again :)

Well, as it’s been my birthday week and I’ve been sick (hence an update at this time of day, I am off work) this hasn’t been the greatest of weeks.
The vitals are:
- Lost 0.8lbs
- Took pills
- Continued external body care

So all present and correct, apart from starting any kettlebelling. I’m going to use the ‘sick’ excuse for that! (I have been very tired!).

I’ve very much overindulged over the past 4 days but the important thing is that, although weight-wise it will probably have a detrimental effect – only time will tell, right now it has but Official Weigh Day is Friday – what it hasn’t done is throw me off like a period of hoggery normally does. I still feel motivated to continue with WW and even if I do only lose a 1lb a week (or less!) it’s still a loss right? And I’ll be sticking at something long term that I normally only do in fits and starts.

A fairly good week I think. All pills, prescribed and vitamin, taken, 1.6lbs lost and general “body maintenance” done.

I’ve cancelled my gym membership and need to retrieve my kettlebell from the car. Even if I only do 10 minutes a day it’s more than I do now, and I don’t need to go anywhere so will hopefully be more motivated to get going!

I’m expecting a plateau (though hopefully not a gain) weight wise, probably the week after next, what with birthday celebrations impending but other than that I’m still feeling pretty motivated all round.

It’s been an up and down week for this goal.

Mentally, I’ve been attacked by the Black Dog this week in a way I didn’t think was going to be possible anymore. Maybe I’m being naive about my medication? I’m more than happy to have ups and downs, in fact I wouldn’t want a life of continuous and predictable equilibrium, however I wasn’t expecting that I’d be able to plummet to such a depth. Luckily it’s been in waves rather than a block of despair and I think I’m out of the woods now so that’s a bonus. I also have my mental health appointment on Tuesday so I’ll be interested what comes from that.

In other news, I’ve been going great guns with WeightWatchers. I’m back on the wagon now, tracking every little thing and have been rewarded with a loss just shy of 3lb.

Everything else I’ve been on top of, supplements, foot care, body care, so that’s all good too :)