lose weight

So I’m finally ready to start again. I’m going to count calories (that has always worked for me). Not sure yet what my calorielimit is going to be for the first few days, I will probably be really hungry so not binging would already be a victory. After that, 1500 calories should do. And I’ll be going to the gym 2/3 times a week and maybe some exercise at home (elliptical).

SW: 90 kg (198.5 lbs)
GW: 68 kg (150 lbs)

I HATE this goal! It keeps staring me in the face every time I come to 43 things (probably because it’s the most popular goal here :P) So yeah, I lost a lot of weight and I gained it all back again. I never stopped exercising so that’s a plus, but I just like eating :P Anyway, I’m at that point again where I feel like this just can’t go on and I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. But it just so discouraging that I gained it all back, how many times do I have to do this? I know it’s my own fault and that they’re my own mistakes but maintaining is just really hard (as you probably all know). Anyway, sorry for my rant. I’ll be starting again soon, because I know it’s my only option. I just hope it’ll be for the last time, but let’s be honest, it probably isn’t. Doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying though.

I’ve been doing really well the last week, eating low calories and working out almost every day but somehow the scale just…won’t…move!! It’s really frustrating, I know it takes time, but I really wanted to lose a bit more weight before my doctorsappointment tuesday.

Calories today: 2399. WAY too much! I had a chocolate craving that I tried to fight but I eventually gave in. I was feeling a little down today. I tried to make up for it by working out, but I should really take it down a notch. I was just on the elliptical, AFTER the gym even, and I wanted too burn 600 calories, but after 300 I thought ‘this is getting crazy, I’m going to stop’ since it was already 10.30 pm (I live in the Netherlands). I just have to learn to control my eating, I can’t eat like crap all day and then spend my whole evenings working out. That’s getting a bit boulimic (don’t worry I don’t have an ED). Anyway, I ate 2399, I burned 776 and I had a deficit of only 220 calories. It could have been worse, yesterday I had a deficit of 790 calories so that’s a bit of a buffer. Tomorrow I want to work out on the elliptical for 45 minutes and I HAVE to eat good tomorrow.

I weighed in this morning: 80.8 kg (178 lbs), I was pretty shocked. I knew I gained but I thought I would still be in the 70’s :(. Anyway, today went okay. I had 1778 calories, a bit more than I would’ve liked but I did exercise 2 times (at home, on the elliptical) for a total of 80 minutes (700 calories). Best of all: I didn’t have any cravings today! :)

SW: 95 (209.4 lbs)
CW: 80.8 (178 lbs)
GW: 68 (150 lbs)

Well I screwed up today! All went well untill 4.30 pm and then I binged (about 960 cals) :(. Hunger and boredom are huge triggers of mine. I try to just take a ‘normal’ snack but that’s just not enough, I’m still pretty hungry after that and that is when I overeat. Does someone have some healthy snackideas?? I did work out for 70 minutes/600 calories after that, but I still had 363 calories too much today. I have to do better tomorrow! I’ll also weigh in tomorrow, wednesdays were always my weigh-in days but I wanted to wait till I felt a bit thinner again to weigh, but I just have to face that I gained and start over from there. I’m never letting myself get off track again on vacation because it’s almost been two months and I still haven’t recovered!

Wow I’ve got a 882 calories deficit today (exercised 2 times today)! Just have to keep it up!

I’m so sick of this! Why can’t I stop binging?! I’ve already lost so much weight and now that I know it won’t help to lower my blood pressure I’m just not as motivated anymore. But I still want to lose weigt! And didn’t do it just to lower my blood pressure. Anyway, I have to go to the doctor tomorrow and I hate to tell him that I gained a couples pounds back. Today was also pretty emotional because I was looking up the meds they’ll give you for high blood pressure and they all SUCK. And I’m only 21 :( So that’s the reason I ate too much today.
Anyway, I’m doing this for myself so after tomorrow the pressure is off (because then I don’t have to justify myself to the doctor anymore) and I’ll just slowly get back on track. First few weeks 1700 cals a day en exercise 30 min a day (2x gym a week). I have all the time in the world then.

Yay I finally had some good days again after some days of being on track all day until about 8 pm and then I binged :( But yesterday I had 1365 calories (and burned 200 on the elliptical) and today I had 1475 (and burned 300 calories on the elliptical). Normally I don’t eat under 1500 calories, but I want to lose a bit faster after these binge-days so I’m going to try to keep it between 1300 and 1400 and try to exercise every day (even if it’s just half an hour).

So I did pretty well today ‘till 5 o’clock. Then I wanted to have 2 little chocolates (70 cal a piece) and well.. it became A LOT more chocolates. It’s so hard! I’ll do better tomorrow. I really have to step up my game. I’m just not going to take any more of this ‘trigger foods’. I figured since I had some calories left I could take two chocolates but I should have taken some healthy, then I won’t binge. At least I worked out on the elliptical at home!