beat my chronic fatigue

I think most(if not all) of the CFS sufferers would say something similar like : “I’m tired of being tired.”

I want to add this one here : “I’m tired of pretending to be normal and tired of always failing to even just look OK” and I’m not willing to pay the price for it anymore. It’s far from cost efficient.

At least now, I can’t afford a job even if I get one. So I think I’d better do something worthwhile and/or fulfilling beside preparing exams.

I told my Mom I wanted to learn sewing and try to sell my hand-made stuff. She thought it was doable, and bought me a sewing machine. She is really a good Mom.

Now I have to learn to sew using the sewing machine first.

I think I have to forgive those doctors.

I made them look incompetent, unable to help. Doctors feel bad when they are unable to help their patients. They even don’t really know what was wrong with me. That made their hurt feeling deeper. And they seemed horrified, as if they were being busted that they were plumbers pretending to be doctors. Strange looks on their face.

For defending themselves, they said “You’re young, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with you. Just take more rest.”

I asked a doctor was CFS possible to be the cause of my crazy fatigue and headache? He raised his voice and said proudly “We can’t diagnose CFS in this country.” I couldn’t believe he was so proud of this fact. Anyways, his point was that CFS is not exist, only mental illness is the cause for unexplained symptoms. Very clever. There’s no unsolved problems, only mental problems. Case closed.

Well…I still have to forgive those doctors. I don’t have time to hate people. After finishing this entry, I’ll stop being angry at those docs and do something else.

Oh…and I have to be cute when I’m angry. ROAR ROAR ROAR. w(o M o)w

Stress is my big enemy.

Mental and Physical stress waste too much energy, and make me crash very soon. I used to stress myself to tough out my tasks, small or large, but that made me miserable and sick afterward.

I have to TRAIN MYSELF TO RELAX every time I need to ‘energy up’, instead of pushing myself. I have to relax when I need to concentrate on something, confront difficulties, go shopping, do houseworks…etc.

I think for me it’s not hard to relax. I just have to remember it and make this a knee-jerk reaction.

No matter what I’m dealing with, RELAX FIRST. Stress is no good.

I have the same problems as CFS, although I haven’t diagnosed with CFS (yet?). Doctors I have saw said “You are young, and the blood test says you are all right. There’s nothing wrong with you.” But I’m not simply cured by their “Oh,I think you’re all right. Blood test says so.” This proved that none of them is Jesus. But this discovery doesn’t help, either.

I have to find ways to deal with my problems. No matter I can find a doctor who is less lame than those doctors I’ve saw or not.

I was really upset by those doctors’ attitudes.(I really want to rant, sorry. If you don’t want to see them, skip it.) They were unable and unwilling to diagnose and help because my blood test showed I was normal. They couldn’t find any causes for my illness, so they just simply assumed I was all right. Many of them even unwilling to hear all of my symptoms(well…I know it’s long). After I told them I was easily tired and had bad headache…etc, they cut in very soon and said something like “Then rest more. You are OK.” or “Try to do more exercise. You are young. There’s nothing wrong with you.” They were not good doctors, not good listeners, either.