Remember Ian once a day

The other day Ian randomly popped into my head, and I don’t know why, but this time it made me breakdown. I started to cry and hyperventilate. I miss him <3

I wrote a journal entry about Ian for my English class the other day. It was very hard for me. People say that times heals all wounds, and I also know that it will get easier with the passage of time. Enough time has not passed because I felt like it was happening all over again.

It has been one month since Ian died. I’ve gotten much better. I finally read the articles about the accident. I did cry but, I got through it. I miss him.

In my room is a pile of newspapers. It has all the articles about the accident and the funeral. It also has Ian’s obituary. I haven’t read any of them. I’ve tried and everytime I start to cry. Then i just send myself into a depressed state. So they sit in my room and taunt me for not reading them. I miss Ian!

It’s the highschool’s first day back. I know those kids are gonna have a really hard time, especially the ones who have him in their classes. They’ve got to see his empty chair everyday. I don’t know what I would do if I had to be there.

I’ve come to realize that it is impossible for me to not thinkg of Ian. He will forever be someone I carry with me. I will be reminded of him. Although that makes me sad and it makes me cry. I’m glad I’ll never forget him!!!

Someone put together a slideshow of pictures of Ian. I cried as i watched it. But It also made me happy to see it. To have something concrete to remember him with.

Today is Ian’s wake. I want to go more than anything at certain points, and at others I’m too afraid. I’m afraid to see his family. I’m also afraid that if I don’t go tonight, or too his funeral tomorrow. I will regret not saying goodbye.

IT’s Christmas Day…I’ve spent most of the day thinking about Ian and his family. I’m sure they haven’t presents for him that are sitting there reminding them that their son is gone. It’s breaking my heart.

Ian died in a car accident on 12/23/08. He was 16. I’ve known him since he was 10. I vow to carry him with me everyday.