stop thinking everybody else is above me

I think it’s because I grew up poor, and immigrated here. Everybody seems to have it made. I am shy to share what I learned about dairy and breast cancer, because I suppose everyone already knows. Same about high fructose corn syrup, peak oil, asset allocation, budgeting, energy conservation. Everyone knows all about these, and finds time for television and everything else.

I think if someone wrote or said to me: “Wow. I learned about xxxx from you, and I have to say my life is definitely better for it” this thinking I have that everybody else is above me would go away.

My problem is a big disconnect between self-image and the image I project to others. If I think I’m doing something really well, someone will tell me I suck and that my services are no longer required. If I’m struggling or feeling like a socially avoidant washout, people will tell me they’re in awe of what I do.

My therapist, spouse, stepmother and close friend tell me I’m being too hard on myself. All I want is to be as competent and wonderful as they are. It’s hard to accept my “Specialness” if it means accepting always a lower standard for myself, and that doesn’t guarantee I can stop thinking everybody else is above me.

I feel inferior. This is how I imagine the people in my host country to be:
“I shall rise this morning in this great and wondrous land and perform my warm up routine, then my exercises. I shall eat a perfect breakfast, take my vitamins. I shall contribute to my Roth IRA. I shall volunteer my time or make a donation. I shall drive to work and no accident will befall me. I feel great knowing I will never have cancer, so great I don’t care about state labeling laws being superseded or pre-empted by a national food labeling law, because I trust the Food and Drug Administration. Even if I didn’t trust the FDA, my superior education has prepared me for making proper nutritional choices in my life. I can read four books a week. I make so much money I can go to Europe or Asia every year. I make correct choices all the time. My superior education has led me to the classics. I wash and maintain my ride regularly. I understand the HMO system. I am properly insured. I pay attention to my career choices. I go to weekly worship. I have fabulous neighbours and we all look out for each other. My house is so tidy and clean.”