Stop Picking At My Face

I’ve had a spot on my forehead for a few days now. I haven’t had much of an urge to pick it. I’ve been feeling pretty good about myself lately. I was exhausted for a couple of weeks, but everything is turning around now! I’ve been eating healthier than I ever have in my life, even better than the beginning of last year! I’m getting back into a fitness routine again too. I have definitely been taking better care of myself lately, even during my usual self hating part of the month! :)

The other morning I looked at my face after a night of picking. I didn’t understand. The previous day I didn’t wear make up and I felt comfortable. We even had friends over and I didn’t feel the need to quickly put some make up on. Then there I was the next day. There wasn’t a chance I’d be stepping out of the house without make up. Today I have a couple of cysts on my face. I’m not sure if it’s because they were provoked from when I was picking at my face or if it’s because I’m nearing my period. Probably both.

I just feel like this has been going on forever and I don’t want to have to admit to myself that I haven’t figured it out yet. It’s embarassing and I feel like it’s never going to end.

I really want to go one whole month without picking at my face the slightest bit. I want to go one month before this year is over. I think I’m ready.

The other day I was going through pictures on my desktop computer. I found a picture that I took of my face one morning sometime this year. I had all sorts of red spots, scars, and acne. My face doesn’t get that bad anymore and I was reminded of a time when that picture was a common reflection in my mirror. Picking isn’t a common daily practice for me. It does however flare up after a particularly stressful day. It has to be a day where I highly doubt myself as a person. I think my doubting even used to be more commonplace than it is now. God has definitely been using this year to heal me and to force me to face up to who I am.

I am really looking forward to when this year ends because I know that I’ll be able to look back on all of the wonderful things that God has done in my life. I’m praying that this will be something I will be able to leave behind.

For all of you out there who are struggling with this, know that there is hope. If you can’t find that hope I’m afraid you will be stuck in this sickening cycle forever. Learn to see the beautiful person inside of you who is tired of making yourself ugly.

I’ve been trying really hard lately to love myself. God, family, and friends love me, but if I can’t accept the love that I try to give myself then I’ll never get over this. I can’t let stressful situations get the best of me. I can’t trust myself when I say, “They didn’t like you…You did this wrong…Why are you always messing up?...You’ll never be good enough…” Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself. I deserve better.

I’m only “washing” my face with water. About every two weeks I do an exfoliating scrub which consists of Grapeseed Oil and Baking Soda. I’m getting somewhere. :)

I feel childish to still be struggling with this. It’s definitely not as bad as it was 2 years ago, a year ago, or a month ago. But I guess just because I’m not completely over it doesn’t mean that I’m not making progress. :)

but I don’t care. No picking for me. I don’t care any more. It’s not worth my energy to pick. It’s not worth my engergy worrying and trying to stop picking. I just don’t do it. Simple.

I feel like I’m going back and forth. Last week I was completely comfortable in my skin. I was going for a few days without wearing make-up and I felt beautiful all the while! I haven’t been drinking “get gorgeous” tea for about three weeks now and it’s starting to show… I’ve gotten three painful and red blemishes. One of them I was able to tame with some ice. I’m going to try to do that with my other two this evening. I didn’t want to have to become dependent on the “get gorgeous” tea, but it’s obvious that my acne is hormonally driven.
I picked at my face a couple of nights ago. It was a let down, but my husband was encouraging and said, “Well you haven’t done that in a while!” My eating habits haven’t been the best lately. I’ve been out of town the past two weekends which gave way to some not so healthy food choices. I’m going on vacation soon here. I’m going to try to make the best choices possible. I’m hoping this vacation will be refreshing for me. I can’t wait to get up in the mountains!

I haven’t picked for probably a week. My dear Grandpa George died on the 4th of July. I haven’t really felt like picking at all. My face is doing great. I really don’t care about looking perfect right now. I guess my grandpa’s death helped to put life into perspective again. God has been working so many amazing things in my life over the past month and even more so in the past week. Praise be to God.

I’ve been aware of this for maybe a month or so, but my biggest trigger is socializing with people that I’ve never met or barely know. This triggers something in me in the evening when I get ready for bed. I think I tend to evaluate how I performed around new people and am much harder on myself than I need to be. Then I proceed to take out my frustration on my face. Thankfully I am really overcoming this issue and only made a small mess out of one miniscule bump. I haven’t been able to get in all of me “get gorgeous” servings this week due to mass craziness. A lot has been going on, but I’ve seen God’s hand in it all. I just need to be careful because it’s about that time of the month and I’m just hoping I don’t break out.