get over my ex

Well it’s been about two months since the break up and I have to say I feel much better now than I ever did when I was in the relationship. Looking back the whole ordeal was really quite toxic.

If I stumble across a photo of him, I still feel a cold stab in my chest and I know for a fact I’m still angry at him. I’m going to take those things as a sign that I’m not quite over it yet.

...but I don’t think it’s over yet. Thing is, I’m sure I don’t love him anymore but I also feel like I’m not over it yet. The very idea of being intimate with someone again makes me feel sick. I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of trusting someone again.

I went out with my family last night to see a show and after it ended this guy started talking to me that had apparently been watching me for a while. He seemed nice enough and I gave him my name so he could add me on facebook but my family got the wrong idea. I’m really not interested in a relationship right now. Just seems like too much work.

I am going to be an old spinster and leave an ugly and bloated corpse. My nine cats will eat part of my face in desperation until the neighbors notice I’m dead.

T_T

...Over to get over my ex rather than “get over my first love”. I don’t think of him as someone worth loving anymore. _

A close friend of mine is still friends with him and she kept mentioning what he was up to and showing me conversations with him. All it did was upset me. I don’t want know what he’s up to. I don’t want to know how “in love” he is with his ugly new girlfriend of two weeks. I asked her if she could stop telling me and she apologized and promised not to, which is good.

I noticed I sort of black out when the bus to college goes past his street. When we were together I would always look down his street and think of him. Is it good or bad that I don’t anymore? o_o

It feels more like it’s been a whole month.

What he did made me feel alone and betrayed. I rebounded into being really depressed and I’m still coping with the aftermath of that. They day after he fell out with me he got a new girlfriend. This girl stopped being genuinly nice to me a while ago so I kinda saw it coming. Let me explain why it hurt me so much.

When we were together, my ex constantly told me things like no one had ever made him happier, he loved me so much, he’d never stop loving me, etc etc etc. One night he asked me if we ever split up, would I move on? I was sincere, because unlike him, I’m not a liar. I told him that it would hurt me alot but eventually I would just have to move on because time heals.

He got really moody and pissed off with me. He said that he’d never ever get over me and he’d never see anyone else. When I asked what if I died, he said he’d just kill himself. He was actually angry at me for being honest, yet everything he said was total rubbish.

I think the thing that hurts the most is that no one else seems bothered.

Today, I logged onto facebook and found friends requests from two people that I have begun speaking to since I split with my ex. My ex reeeeally doesn’t like these two for various reasons. I already knew about one, and had been mulling over what to do. On a friends advice I accepted both.

Needless to say, I expected my ex to be annoyed, but not quite so annoyed. He called me a liar, said I’d chosen them over him and that I didn’t care about him. He told me we couldn’t be friends, that his respect for me had stooped too low. That there was now no chance of us getting back together if there ever was. Well, I didn’t know us getting back together was even an option, and after what he’s done there’s no chance.

He then did the most immature thing he could have done. Using the password saved on his computer from when I’ve been on at his, he signed on and deleted half of my friends. When I realised what he was up to I changed my password. After that he tried to sign in as me so many times facebook blocked my account temporarily.

I’ve been miserable since.

But every now and then I still dream about him. A couple of nights ago I dreamt we got back together. It was kinda depressing to wake up.

I’m trying to dwell on not being bound by his rules anymore. I’m talking to people I stopped talking to for him at college again. If he’s going to split up with me, then why should I make my college life miserable for him?

5 ways I’m better off:
1) Freedom
2) More time to work with. A chance to earn some money. =D
3) I was being mistreated by him. Maybe someday I’ll be ready for someone who’ll treat me better.
4) He’s a better friend than he is a boyfriend.
5) A chance to catch up with the old friends and old hobbies I stopped being interested in after I got with him.

Ahhh keep going Anni! Life is worth it!

My first week of being alone has been… Well, it’s been lonely.

I’ve been trying to keep busy, staying over with a friend or relative a couple of nights but no matter what I do there’s this creeping feeling of loneliness that just won’t subside. He’s in my dreams, in my heart, in my head. And I’m obviously not in his.

He’s frequently said how happy he is right now and how everything has been going his way. I want him to be happy of course, but it doesn’t exactly make me feel like our relationship meant anything to him. He’s completely over it already, and I feel like an idiot because the little voice in my head that reminds me I love him is still there.

Stuff sucks.

I met my ex when I started college and quickly found myself being attracted to him. We ended up getting together about a month after meeting and at first our relationship was great. He made me feel special and beautiful like no one ever had before. After a few months I realised I was falling for him. Our relationship lasted around 15 months.

But over time he became less loving and more abusive. He called me names and made fun of me and his behaviour became gradually worse until it was almost unbearable. The straw that broke the Camel’s back came on Valentine’s day when he promised to take me out for a meal but planned a night out the day before. He was forced to go to this meal by his family and it went horribly. I went home in tears and didn’t speak to him until the next night.

When we finally spoke he was surprisingly mature about it but admitted that he didn’t believe he could change and things could only get worse. We split up, and decided to remain friends. Two days later I’m still reeling from the loss but he seems fine. I still love him dearly and miss what we had. The split has relieved alot of tension between us and we are talking better than ever but I’m struggling to accept that things have changed and look at him differently. =[