While waiting for classes to start, I’d ask people around me what they thought of the class. I found if I listened, I’d get a lot of context clues that would allow me to ask further questions. It became sort of like doing interviews. The only problem is that after “interviewing” for so long, people start to feel guilty that they are only talking about themselves.
I still have a hard time integrating talking about myself and asking people questions to truly make “small talk.” Too many lulls in the conversation to truly feel right. Someday, it’ll piece together and make sense.
I don’t really want to just flat out say to people every time I make small talk, “I suck at small talk,” because it’s negative and permanently gives people the opportunity to make a mental connection of that statement with me since when I make small talk, it is generally the first time I am speaking with them.
A while back, I had sort of made a friend and I found an interesting way to really speak with them was to just flat out ask them to “tell me a person story about…” and it would end with something random like “trains” or “a picnic.” I wouldn’t recommend that for someone you just met but if it’s someone you’ve casually known for a while that you’re making small talk with, it’s a pretty cool way to reach out.
