Stop feeling so angry towards my friends and family

I am failing quite miserably at the moment.  I don’t know whether my commitment issues are talking or I am just a sadistic individual, but every time I think that I love somebody, I have to keep backstabbing and backstabbing until they finally become fed up and say screw you, Jenna, you’re on your own.  I feel horrible about it because I am doing this to my best friend and I can’t stop myself!

Help.  :/

I have not always been an angry person; I was always the cheerful kid with a smile on her face despite rampant difficulties, and even now I am not sure that I consider myself so much angry as burdened with well-defined issues in trust.  Lately, I have been snapping at my best friend more and more often, and needless to say, this is not okay.

My biggest problems to overcome are those of trust, as aforementioned, and that I have no idea how to be a friend, stupid as it sounds.  I cannot honestly say that I have had a true friend in the past, I have been backstabbed repeatedly and so frequently that I lost all sense of what it means to be and have friends to the extent now that because I am so unsure of myself, I hate having friends and I hate being around people.  However, to grow close is nearly inevitable, and when I do have these friends, while I loathe myself immensely.  When I do grow to trust a person (term used loosely), I end up second-guessing both them and myself and yell and scream until they finally say “screw you, Jenna, you’re on your own.”

I have been doing this to my best friend for nearly two years now and I cannot stop myself.  It is a wonder that she even stays around!  This snapping and yelling and not being able to trust what she says, that she does enjoy talking to me and thinks that I am a good person, grows more and more frequent: at one point it was once every six months or so, then once a month, now once about every four days.  My terror of losing her is turning into what will likely push her away, and I don’t know how to stop it!  I cannot stop myself.  I cannot trust her completely, and that is the worst bit.  This girl is like a sister to me, and I would be devastated without her.  Why is it that the one thing that I love most is the one thing that I cannot control my emotions towards, and my fear of losing her is what may eventually break our bond?