Take time to notice that I love my life

Yesterday, I almost died. Probably should have died except for the protection of modern technology: seat belts and airbags (with bruises to prove it).

Both D and I walked away from it. No other cars were involved. A good Samaritan stopped and got us where we needed to be, when we need to be there. So thankful for still being here.

Sitting out in the cool evening, chilling the warmed flesh. Sharing conversation while the moon brightens the evening. Moments of the simplicity of life. A reminder that life can surprise you. A warning that things are never the same after.

Curled up on the couch at home after a rather energetic and fun day of “working” while not working. A fantastic morning work out that ended with one of D’s friends offering to let me work out with her. An energetic morning putting my skills as deputy to use while the boss was in a meeting. Getting to melt in the humid mid-day sun while eating luxuriant free food at a grand opening. Leaving the office at 2:30 to pick up a new employee and not going back. Ending the day at the new restaurant struggling with electronic tab cards and non-appearing long island ice teas while hanging with some awesome friends. Ending the night walking away from D rather than going home with him.

Doing 4 of my Things all in one day!

Getting an important assignment at work which gives me hope that I’ve patched things up with my boss.

Helping a friend out with his car problems.

Not getting home until nearly 10:30 because I was hanging out with friends. Hearing good stories. Laughing. Living in the moment.

- An actually busy day at work

- Wii Fit after work

- A nice wine to go with my pasta dinner

- Feeling normal; feeling good

D ending the work day with an IM conversation about baseball and the Yankees.

Drinking with friends after work in the sunshine. Good conversation and camaraderie.

Seeing the puppy for the first time in 3 months.

Good conversation with J. Seeing how much he’s changed. Hearing how well things are going.

Getting home late because there’s no hurry to be home and I was having a good time being out.

I’m being pathetic at the moment. My confidence shaken, all I see is resentment and dislike. I get jumpy that my friends only talk to me for a few minutes on the phone. I feel paranoid about every action that I take. Yet, I look around and my life is full of the things I want. I went out with friends on both Friday and Saturday night. I am being asked to join things. I have a job and enough money to buy the things I need and spoil my friends and travel.

It’s one of those things… Attitude is everything and mine sucks right now. I really need to fix that.

They can be the same place, person or both.

Heaven: dozing off next to an amazing person after an orgasm on an afternoon filled with good fun, good friends and good food.

Hell: ending the same day in tears and anger after a bad, physical fight, asleep on the floor by the door so he won’t leave, all because we didn’t say what we needed when we needed to.

Photo by awefulsara @ flickr

I didn’t celebrate the anniversary as I had originally intended. There has been other stuff in my life recently that made celebrating the day less important than it might have otherwise been. I am coming to realize that April seems to be a very pivotal month for me. Last year was good in a bad way. The year before was bad in a good way. This year was significant but I withhold judgment for at least a year on whether or not it was for good of for ill. It was definitely significant.

“You’re gorgeous”

“You devastate me”

“You’re amazing”

“My new favorite ski trip”