I had always been the portrait of your “over-active-overachieving-talented-teenage-superstar” growing up. Cheerleading captain…leads in plays…yearbook editor-in-chief…”Goooo MHS!” and all that teen spirit bullshit that I once thought was critical to character. It is now going on four years since I graduated from high school…and what exactly do I have to show for it?
- Not graduating with my peers.
- Enrollment in 2 colleges – no degrees from either of them, and looking into going to another.
- A ride on a roller coaster of emotions and moods as I try to get my bipolar disorder under control.
- A series of scars on my body from destructive behavior.
- Thousands of dollars in debt.
- I’ve moved out of my mum’s house, and then moved back in…and then moved in and out three more times due to my incompetence in relationships.
- A history of restaurant jobs and my current bartending job.
What the fuck happened to me? No, really.
Call me negative, but this is a tad farther off the beaten path than I had ever planned to be. While out to lunch with my best friend today we began chatting about my most recent ex, and why we she believed we didn’t work out in the end.
She began with “He’s not for you, Megan. You are too different. He is goal-oriented…”
Ummm…ouch? After she took her foot out of her mouth and realized that she hurt my feelings, she appologized. I know what she meant: that I am more free-spirited, I enjoy being a 21-year-old woman, and I don’t take this life so seriously all the time – life’s too short. But the damage was done. She got me thinking all day about my goals, my crutches, and my relationships.
I know what I want to do. I want to go to a good college and get a doctorate in psychology, be happy and help others that live with mood/eating disorders/self injury/other destructive behavior. I want to be the help that I needed in my darkest hours. It just seems so far away.
