tell people how much they mean to me

I have a serious problem. I just can never or hardly ever tell the people that mean so much to me; that influence who I am and my ministry; that I care so much about… I just can’t say the words to them to express what they are to me. It’s not that I don’t have the words, I consider myself a fairly expressive person. I know what I want to say, but can never muster up the strength to say it without cracking a joke or just completely whimping out instead. So often, too often, I’ve found myself at the funeral of these people or sometimes they’re not dead [I mean the ones at the funerals are] but sometimes I just know I’m not gonna see them again or soon and I want them to know, but I just can’t say. I think that’s what it is. I really want them to know, I just don’t want to go through the vulnerable stage necessary to actually tell them. And then, I convince myself that getting all serious with people will be akward… I dunno I’m probably just insane