Bring the people I love and care about to a closer relationship with Christ

None. I’ve completely like not even put any effort at all into this. I moved away from most of the people that come to mind when I think about this goal- that’s no excuse, I could still reach out- but that’s reality. In reality it was going to be a struggle doing this within the same city, the same house even. Now that I have the added constraint of distance, I fear that this goal will never truly be realized. Because I’m no longer right there seeing them everyday, the issue is sometimes far from my mind- almost always far from my mind… it sickens me- I’m glad it sickens me though. For far too long it has not sickened me at all- I have not been phased by it one bit. I think maybe it’s only on my mind right now because I’m gooing home on Saturday… I will be faced with those same people, same situation, stuck in the same rut. I dunno… this may be a bit too much for me right now; I can even process it- I’m finding real trouble thinking through this. I want to not…

...I’m still pretty much I dunno… I don’t feel AS sick when I think about it, but I still get that uneasy feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I guess I’m still waiting on the right timing. I don’t wanna—I dunno. I’m so determined to at least put forth the effort. I’m—yeah I still don’t know. I have sooo much on my mind right now for no real reason. I need a vacation. I just wanna go crawl somewhere and take a nap, but there’s way too much to do which doesn’t even have anything to do with this goal specifically, but at the same time it does. My lethargy is creeping into like all areas of my life. I am growing more and more apathetic about school, I barely go to class and I haven’t finished my taxes. Theres soo much more, but out of this pile of rubbish in my mind comes this random obsession with my loved ones’ salvation. It’s really not that random when you think about it. Why wouldn’t I want them saved? What else in this entire world matters? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Everything else pales in comparison. In spite of how this entry sounds, I am relatively optimistic about the situation. I really believe that this will be done as soon as the opportunity arises. The question is do I wait or do I make an opportunity for myself. I don’t wanna move ahead of God, but I don’t wanna just sit back and do nothing and expect something to happen… I dunno

...so stressed out about this. I don’t know what has changed; they’re just as unsaved as they were a few weeks ago, but for some reason it has been killing me recently. I mean almost making me physically sick; like random panic attack in the middle of the day; it is begining to consume my thoughts. I think it’s because I feel so guilty. I feel like I should have, could have, need to do more. Some of the people I don’t feel like I have that kind of relationship with. Yeah I love them more than just about anything, but we just don’t talk. I don’t know if it’s because I just don’t like who they are or what. My grandma used to always say “I love you, but I sure don’t like ya” that’s the way I feel about some of ‘em. I love them; I ‘clare I do, but I just don’t like them or the things that they do, but I still want more than almost anything in the world for them to come to the saving knowledge of Christ, seriously, that’s pretty much all I want Out of life. I dunno… this just might do it; this may successfully send me crazy. I’m so conflicted… conflicted not about what I need to do, but HOW in the world to do it. I’ve kinda began talking with some of them about it, but not necessarily in depth or to any real avail as of yet, but I trust God to fill in the gaps. I know if I would just take the initiative, He will do the rest, but I’m so… I dunno I’m friggin’ confused. NEway, I have got to get this checked off; it’s pretty much life and death…