love and be loved

A long time has passed after my last post about this goal. More or less nothing has changed … I still meet my ex sometimes and in a different way maybe I’m still loving her. That’s so hard … in the meanwhile she had another boyfriend, a short story that now is over. She came back to me one day … I thought that something was going to change, but It has only been an illusion.

Now I’m still terribly jealous and I miss her so much but I feel that time is passing day by day … and I think that I’ll feel better! I count on my numerous activities and on my friend … they are so important!

Let’s see!

All is written in the title … I suffered one more time…
But I hope this is the last time. Now is time to forget and build a new relationship!

This evening she gave me a letter …
she said to me a lot of beatiful things … but she doesn’t love me no more … I could not understand that … really I couldn’t, and maybe I won’t never!
I would like to not suffer so much, to be happy and to find something good in this period but I’m negative and, day by day, I’ve less hope than two months ago. Maybe this thing is better, maybe this love is going to his end … but I always feel the same!
I’m searching for serenity, I don’t want another person right now … I would like to spend a day without thinking to her when I woke up in the morning and when I lie down in the evening …

So nervous … nothing changes … always the same!
Why I’m still here calling her?
Why I’m still suffering?
Why I’m always available when she calls me?

WHY?

Why I’m so stupid!!!

It’s 5 A.M. I’ll go sleeping now … I’ve passed a great evening without my ex girlfriend … I amuse a lot! Great!
I’m happy because for some hours I’ve not thought about her …
Now it’s time to sleep … to late to chat and write … BB and goodnight!!!

I have decided to stop calling her … I hope she will call me … I hope she will miss me!!!
It’s two days and I would like to hear her voice …
I’ve to go on in this way but it’s terribly hard!!!
:(

Maybe I’m gonna write the same things I’ve told you in my previous posts… but this evening I’ve seen my ex-girlfriend another time and I’m still loving her so much!!!
What can I do?
I don’t know if it’s time to say stop, try to see her no more, suffer a lot but hope to feel better in the future … maybe I’ve to start to think to a new life, a new person … but for now I could not think to anyone else.

I feel so ridiculous writing here but … I hope to write a green WORTH DOING! someday!!!

I’ve just seen her … and I feel so sad!!! What can I do??? :(

I loved and I’ve been loved … it was perfect … but now it’s over and I’m still loving her.
We see each other frequently, we need each other … but we are not a couple!
I miss her …
I hope and I wait … maybe something will change …