Impersonate a quack doctor

I don’t get to go to many cocktail parties, but if I did I would start introducing myself as “Doctor James Mechelewski” and see what I come up with. People are always impressed at that, and would probibly start asking me about their personal medical issues despite the occation. Then all I’d have to do is make Nick Riviera quotes. “Hmm, this is a rare condition called ‘Bonus-Erectus’. It’s where your skeleton tries to leap out through the throat! The only known cure is electro shock therapy.”