open myself up to people more

Ima doing it but in a bad way. Well I was doing it and now I just dont care anymore. All in all I dont care if I talk to not.

No one talkz to me at all – even if they do talk to me itz usually only one word convoz. The only time that I can talk to people is on 43thingz. Itz so lonely and alone.

I am getting there slowly but surely as the title sayz. I’ve been talking and hanging out with a few ppl now for the last month. However I still listen rather then talk and point out viewz that I have. Some ppl cut across wat I am saying and sometimez it getz rather annoying and all that but I just ignore it or sometimez I just say wat I want to say and voice out. Itz great drinking because u open up to ppl more and u take riskz and chancez that u make not ever do when sober – ur inside person comez out to dance lol. Life is becoming high now since I am becoming more social and all that.

when parents don’t trust you or the people you’re with. They won’t let you have a life, have freedom because of whats on the news. They won’t let you have a social life because they haven’t met the people you are hanging out with. They won’t let you do ANYTHING… They say that you have decisions but it’s them making the choices, well some of them anyway. It’s like when you are out of school and decide to move out that you have freedom…

I was invited by a guy to hang out with his place tonight to watch movie’s but when I asked my parents yesterday night they said maybe. Then when I woke up they told me that “oh you can stay home tonight because you are going out tomorrow night”. They haven’t met the guy and they ask me everything about him. God I just wanna have a privite life without them butting in all the time. What a pathic LAME excuse. They HAVE to fricken know everything about what goes on, like who I’m texting and all the shit. I’m 17 and they are still bosing me around! I dont even know why I even ask them to fricken go out and have a social life! I really give up on this because my parents dont trust me! All they want me to be is my fricken non social sister!!! She’s the goodie too shoe’s that goes out no where and always stays at home and all that! Yeah as you can tell that I am really mad at them so yeah this is my first step into opening myself up to people more.

Sorry if I am burdening it all on this but I cant really talk to anybody.

I just think that 43things is the only thing to talk to. No one really listens to me about anything so I just say that I give up with trying to tell people whats bothering me and all that stuff. On 43things its much easier because there is lots of people that have the same problem and that we can give each other encouragement and help. Its really like a dream. I have major insecurities and I have made major mistakes and regrets.
Its all so wierd and the only escape is when I am asleep not awake. I also really feel like going someplace where I dont know anyone. Forgetting everyone and everyone Forgetting.

I am starting to open myself up like a book. Does opening myself up to 43things count? Well thats one thing that I can do. But however I think everyone gets confused about what I’m saying because I say one thing then say the complete opposite. Its totally confusing. But I guess that I dont really have anything to say to my friends and family. Everytime I try to open myself up I just think that I am just being selfish and just thinking about myself. But its wierd. I will try and find myself too.