create the soundtrack to my life

She reads a book from across the street,
Whenever someone that she’ll never meet.
Talk over coffee for an hour or two,
She wonders why I’m always in a good mood.
Killin’ time before she struts her stuff,
She needs supporting, I’ll become the crutch.
She’ll never know how much she means to me.
I play the game but I’m the referee.

Surrender every word, every thought every sound.
Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown.
Surrender all the pain we’ve endured until now.
Surrender all the hope that I lost you have found.
Surrender yourself to me.

Even though I know what I’m lookin’ for,
She’s got a brick wall behind her door.
I travel time and confess to her,
But I’m afraid she’d shoot the messenger.

Surrender every word, every thought every sound.
Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown.
Surrender all the pain we’ve endured until now.
Surrender all the hope that I lost you have found.
Surrender yourself to me.

I think I found her suffering the field of words,
I think I found her frowning in a field of words.
Searching until my hands bleed,
This flower don’t belong to me.

I think I found her suffering the field of words,
I think I found her frowning in a field of words.
Searching until my hands bleed,
This flower don’t belong to me.
This flower don’t belong to me.
Why could she belong to me?

Every word, every thought every sound.
Every touch, every smile, every frown.
All the pain we’ve endured until now.
All the hope that I lost you have found.

Surrender every word, every thought every sound.
Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown.
Surrender all the pain we’ve endured until now.
Surrender all the hope that I lost you have found.
(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask,
(Surrender) as my hope had come and passed.
(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask,
(Surrender) as my hope had come and passed.
(Surrender) I never had the nerve to ask,
(Surrender) as my hope had come and passed.

Rejected…since day one
My name is…bastard son
I’ve been damned…so many times I’ve lost count!
Blue collar…working man
Devises…masterplan
Bi-polar…with a mental side arm

I’m sick and I’m twisted, I’m broken you can’t fix it, don’t make me
cause I’ll do it, red button and we’ll all go…

Into the river below…running from the inferno…
You’ll think I’m insane but you’ll all know my name!
Into the river below…running from the inferno…
I’ll take all the blame, the front page and the fame!

Contraption…made up of
Nuts and bolts…creates the
New monster…to burn your family tree down!
Tick-tocking…times up now
Split second…the world frowns
Lonely heart…never had nobody!

I’m sick and I’m twisted, I’m broken you can’t fix it, don’t make me
cause I’ll do it, red button and we’ll all go…

Into the river below…running from the inferno…
You’ll think I’m insane but you’ll all know my name!
Into the river below…running from the inferno…
I’ll take all the blame, the front page and the fame

Watch your mouth
Oh, oh, oh
Because your speech is slurred enough
That you just might swallow your tongue
I’m sure you’d want, want to give up the ghost
With just a little more poise than that

Or was it God who chokes
In these situations, running late?
No, no, he called in
Or was it God who chokes
In these situations, running late?
No, no, he called in

The hospice is
A relaxing weekend getaway
Where you’re a cut above all the rest
Sick and sad patients
On first name basis with all the top physicians

Prescribed pills
To offset the shakes
To offset the pills
You know you should take
It a day at a time

That’s when you stu-stu-stutter something profound
To the support on the line
And with the way you’ve been talking
Every word gets you a step closer to hell

That’s when you stu-stu-stutter something profound
To the support on the line
And with the way you’ve been talking
Every word gets you a step closer to hell

Prescribed pills
To offset the shakes
To offset the pills
You know you should take
It a day at a time

Prescribed pills
To offset the shakes
To offset the pills
You know you should take
It a day at a time

I am
Alone in this bed, house, and head
And she never fixes this
But at least she…

I am
Alone, in this bedroom
She never fixes this
But at least she…

Prescribed pills
To offset the shakes
To offset the pills
You know you should take
It a day at a time

Prescribed pills
To offset the shakes
To offset the pills
You know you should take
It a day at a time

The hospice is
A relaxing weekend getaway
Where you’re a cut above all the rest
Sick and sad patients
On first name basis with all the top physicians

I Got A Feeling She Keeps Me In The Dark
I Gotta Get Keep My Eye On Her She Ain’t no Walk In The Park
I’d Offer This But She Want That She She She Want It All
You See She Wanted To Paint The Picture And Say She My Broad
I Got A Little Tip From Word On The Block People Saying I Shouldn’t Get Involved
But I Don’ Judge Or Try To change It ‘Cause You Are Who You Are
I’m Like The Drug She’s Addicted To Me She Can’t Leave Me Now
She Always Making Plans To Date… come and find me tomorrow goodbye girl

[Chorus]
She’s too invested in the hours That Pass Her By
I’d Pay Attention If I Thought It Was Worth The Time
I tell her easy but Her Hands They Find A Way
Confusing Passion For the love he never gave
Fall Back On Reasons That We Know Won’t Stand A Chance
Watching Our Shoulders Like A Memory From The Past
I tell her easy but Her Hands They Find A Way
Confusing Passion For the love he never gave

I Couldn’t Get Rid Of Shawty If Wanted
Cause She Was Down But I Was Tired Of Playing The Role Like I Ain’t Know That She Get Around
Something About This Girl Fascinates Me She’s The Type That Likes To Hang With The Stars
The Way She Makes Me Feel And Sedates Me Who Knew We Would Take It This Far
Everywhere That I Try To Go She got a wanted poster With My Face On It
Soon As I Walk Out The Door There It Is wanted poster with my face on it
Can’t Blame My Self And It’s Not My Fault ‘Cause Nothing Was Promised At Least I Could Say I
Was Honest But Bye Girl

[Chorus]

[Instrumental Break]

[Chorus]

As soon as you stepped through my door,
I saw You for the first time all over again.
And time well spent seems
Lonelier than the way it used to go.

As I smell you for the first time all over again
I’ll begin to remember to be alive
So if you don’t mind
I think I’ll wear my heart on my sleeve,
‘Cause I’m tired of not being able to bleed.

All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it’s a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it’s the same old word giving me the spark.
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it’s a shame how I curl up in the dark

I’ve felt a loss for some time
I slipped, stumbled, but fell face first
straight into your hand.
Then I hit my head on your palm
And waking up to the smell
Of tears drying up in the sand

All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it’s a shame how I curl up in the dark
When it’s the same old word giving me the spark.
All of us are searching for an open arm.
Well, it’s a shame how I curl up in the dark

I washed my wounds with tears of hope.
I washed my wounds with tears of hope.
I just …

All of us are searching for an open arm
Well, it’s a shame how I pull myself apart.
When it’s the same words making me run for cover to your arms.

(All of us are searching for an open arm)
When it’s the same words making me run for cover to your arms.
(All of us are searching for an open arm)
(All of us are searching for an open arm)

See the animal in his cage that you built
Are you sure what side you’re on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it’s all
Right where it belongs

[Chorus]
What if everything around you
Isn’t quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks?
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the world’s inside of your head
Just creations of your own?
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you’re really all alone?
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can’t find the woods
While you’re hiding in the trees

[Chorus]
What if everything around you
Isn’t quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?

Now I will tell you what I’ve done for you -
50 thousand tears I’ve cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you -
And you still won’t hear me.
(going under)
Don’t want your hand this time – I’ll save myself.
Maybe I’ll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I’d reached the bottom

I’m dying again

I’m going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I’m falling forever (falling forever)
I’ve got to break through
I’m going under

Blurring and stirring – the truth and the lies.
(So I don’t know what’s real) So I don’t know what’s real and what’s not (and what’s not)
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can’t trust myself anymore

I’m dying again

I’m going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I’m falling forever (falling forever)
I’ve got to break through

I’m…

So go on and scream
Scream at me I’m so far away (so far away)
I won’t be broken again (again)
I’ve got to breathe – I can’t keep going under

I’m dying again

I’m going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I’m falling forever (falling forever)
I’ve got to break through

I’m going under (going under)
I’m going under (drowning in you)
I’m going under

(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

[Chorus]
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I’m picking me apart again
You all assume
I’m safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

[Bridge:]
I don’t want to be the one
The battles always choose
‘Cause inside I realize
That I’m the one confused

[Chorus:]
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I know it’s not alright
So I’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
Tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

[Bridge:]
I dont want to be the one
The battles always choose
‘Cause inside I realize
That I’m the one confused

[Chorus:]
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate
And say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I’ll never be alright
So, I’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
Tonight

[Bridge:]
I’ll paint it on the walls
‘Cause I’m the one at fault
I’ll never fight again
And this is how it ends

[Chorus:]
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don’t know how I got this way
I’ll never be alright
So, I’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
Tonight

I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more
I lay dying
And i’m pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I’m dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am i too lost to be saved
Am i too lost?

My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation

Do you remember me
Lost for so long
Will you be on the other side
Or will you forget me
I’m dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am i too lost to be saved
Am i too lost?

My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation

I want to die!!!

My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation

My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance
Will i be denied Christ
Tourniquet
My suicide