It’s been several months since I stopped seeing him. He and I dated for about 3-4 months, then stopped, then hung out a few times after that. Then I got fed up since he was never officially “ready for a relationship” and told him that I can’t see him anymore. His reasons were because he was still getting over his ex, he has kids he has to pay for, blah blah. I decided to call it off for good about a month ago. No hang outs, no texting, nothing. (As a side note, he’s about 10 years older than me)
I’ve had issues with him since day one, so I don’t know why I’m still not fully over and done with him, mentally. Just the thought of running into him makes me get nervous and lose my appetite with anticipation. It annoys the crap out of me. When I dated him, I lost 5-10 pounds from the stress and nerves of our “relationship.” I remember telling my mom that my sadness to happiness ratio was 70 to 30. I was mostly sad or frustrated and always on the brink of tears or madness. I didn’t feel like myself at all.
When I stopped seeing him for the first time, I felt like the queen of the world. I did all the things I had put off while seeing him. I felt like a whole new me. That lasted for about 3 weeks. Then I started to miss him. I hung out with him like 3 or 4 times after that, and although I didn’t feel as depressed or crazy as I did for those first three months, I still felt a pang of sadness and like if I continued to hang out with him I would go back to feeling the way I felt for all those months. So the next time he contacted me to hang out, I told him exactly why I couldn’t see him anymore – for real this time. I thought I would be able to hang out as casual friends, but I realized I still have feelings for him. So that was it. We stopped talking. I ran into him in person once, we said hello and a brief how are you, and that was that.
I don’t understand why mentally I’m still hanging on. Why do I miss the fun we had? Why can’t I rememeber exactly how unhappy I was and be thrilled to be the hell away from him? I’m sick of the nervous nausea I get when I run into him. I wasn’t even with him for that long, but it was one of the most intense relationships I’ve had so far. I just want to be at that point where I don’t feel anything towards him.