create

I took my first Modern Dance Class to day at the Mark Morris Dance Theater in Brooklyn!!!!!!!!!

I was getting really emotional on my way there. I was so excited. I felt like a kid. I haven’t been to a class since my parents pulled me out of the bronx dance theater when I was 5. I loved dancing. It used to be my biggest regret that I didn’t continue to study. No regrets now, but it’s been a void in my life.

So, it was really fun. I can’t wait to perfect the routine. I told the teacher I had no training. (Tap/ballet/jazz when i was 4 or 5 doesn’t really count, right?)

After class I went to thank her (always thank the teacher)
and she said “Wow. You’ve never taken a dance class?” Then the drummer that played through the class said ” yeah I thought I heard you say that too, but when you started to dance I thought I heard you wrong”
I said I take yoga. she said “oh. Because your very aware of your body. and..your body is..you have a body like a dancer…and you stand like a dancer..you walk like a dancer too.”

tee hee. (kitty smiles brightly because she’s so fucking happy to be in DANCE CLASS!!!!!!!!)

I said “well I’m a singer too so, lots of yoga plus singing with a band since I was 7…” Then she was like “oh that must be it”

I’m so happy!!!!

I caught an african dance class on the way out that looked SO awesome!!! I want to start taking that one too!

I almost started crying as i was leaving. It felt so good to release…and create and let go and be free and resolve some of these emotions I have and some of the pain I carry from the past.

And this is just the beginning.

So I went googling for contemporary dance classes for adults with no training.

It feels sort of like a lie when I speak on the phone asking these people questions and they ask me if I’ve had training.

I simply say no. I only studied dance for a couple of years as a child. Obviously I study yoga.

I dance alone to say, Philip Glass. and it’s definitely modern style dance that I am doing. But with no training. Just expression.

I want to study hip hop as well. I feel like since I grew up in the bronx in the early 80’s that I should be able to already. I don’t associate with people who dance to or listen to mainly hip hop. and I don’t watch mtv or bet or much of any t.v. for that matter. I don’t listen to public radio either.

I’m way out there. I listen to everything. The more obscure and freer it is the better. I want to be able to dance to everything. and be good. and do it with other people. and do it for people.

Back when I had regrets, one was that I wish I had continued to study dance. I went to the bronx dance theater. it moved and my parents didn’t feel like driving the few extra miles to take me. I wish I had spoken up and threw a fit, just so that I had least shown them how much I wanted to keep going.

I was good. and they saw that. and my teachers told them that. So why would they not make the effort to let me keep going?

So this goes under destroy and create because…..there’s just something about those elements that belong in dancing.

feeling much better today.

I think I’m going to start taking dance classes at the gym. I love dancing and I love learning routines.

I want to take capoeira. and there are a couple of cirque de soleil type classes I want to take. I wish there was a jazz inspired class or a modern dance class. That would be so cool!

Dancing. I will invoke the spirit of Shiva and I will destroy with one hand and create with the other….I really should just study the Dance of Shiva more and then go use the gym studio to practice.

What I really want to do is destroy me.
But, that won’t work.

So what is there to do when I feel this way?

Create new things to love that can be mine?

I already have yoga.
My job doesn’t count.

What can I love?.....I’m going to start googling activities in ny.

Then if I destroy a negative part of myself I can replace it with something positive.