don't fantasise about smoking

I am the kind of person to get over excited by things. To get addicted and obsessed and I should accept it. After I had my little smoking phase I spent a week drinking quite heavily, then a weekend watching films continually.

I don’t know whether I should try to change my character/ feelings. I am not smoking, is that not enough? Is it unreasonable to not WANT to smoke, to not think about it? Is it harmful or innocuous to have those longings in my brain?

I’m not sure.

Was out drinking yesterday and just thought about smoking a lot. I am now confident that I won’t smoke but how do I get rid of the yearnings?

I was weak and I bought some tobacco. I actually went to smoke outside at work and found myself hiding in case one of my colleagues saw me. It was as if I were at school hiding from the teachers. At first I didn’t tell my partner either and then I came home from work to his smoking in our computer room…

So my partner and I smoked a bit while on our computers last weekend but at some point on Sunday we both said ENOUGH and I threw away the remaining tobacco.

I am hoping that all I needed was this brief fling with my old lover tobacco and that I will get back to normal. I have to say that I have only thought about smoking once or twice since Sunday. We’ll see. I don’t believe in focusing on negative stuff so I want to keep reminding myself how much healthier I am as a non-smoker. And I also have to embrace the title non-smoker rather than seeing myself as a smoker who just didn’t do it for a few years.

It’s not easy.

Recently I have been smoking the odd cigarette when out with friends drinking and now I think about smoking ALL THE TIME.

I loved it and now I want to smoke again. I know it’s bad, I remember how awful it was giving up, the harshness of withdrawal etc. I can stop myself from getting back into it if I try really hard….