It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’m going to start again, because I’m not doing so good, and I need this support network.
About 3.5 weeks ago, things were doing OK. I was still drinking, but I was doing better and going to therapy about alcohol abuse. I was starting to read books about the dangers of alcohol and the beauty of sobriety. Then something happened, and everything started going downhill.
I’ve had a non-committed long-distance relationship with the same man for 2.5 years. WE fly back and forth about every 3 or 4 months to visit each other. I knew he would eventually meet somewhere where he lives, and then our relationship would have to come to an end. Well, he did. Unfortunately, though, he didn’t tell me and still scheduled a flight to come visit on October 23rd. One night, I was drinking, and text messaged him asking if he had a girlfriend. To my shock, he responded YES but that she was OK with him continuing to see me just like before.
For 3.5 weeks now, I’ve been hurt, angry, and filled with jealousy. I’ve been drinking just about every night. It has completely gotten out of control, and as I sit here this morning, I know that I absolutely MUST stop this insanity and get back on track.
Negative things that happen in my life tend to trigger heavy drinking. I spent two years getting over a divorce drinking heavily too.
So, I know that I absolutely have to cut contact with this guy, not allow him to come visit, and STOP DRINKING. I’m so tired of feeling like this. I just turned 40, and I’m determine to get my life back together and enjoy this decade (and the ones after that).
My therapist gave me an assignment to research the physical effects of alcohol. I am planning to do some research on the Web, but if anyone has any advice about where to find some good information, please let me know. I want to see pictures of diseased livers and things like that. I want to scare myself out of drinking.
Thanks, and sorry for the long post. I’m pretty desperate today, and I needed to vent.