but my son has apparently locked the door from the outside…..the fire Brigade HAS been called, and they are looking into various ways of conquering this problem, in hopes to free me from this confined and cramped quarters ( not to mention the decor in here is hideous !! And talk about the dust! Ugh! ), and it’s really rather dark as well come to think of it…....
Perhaps I will use this time alone , to catch up on some quiet meditation I am so in need of ,( that is if I can block out the deafening noise from the fireman’s saw that is threateningly close to my ear lobe), I will try to gather myself best I can , and gain a better understanding of what this all really means to me . And though it is probably NOT what you are all thinking right about this moment! It is something that will inevitably change me forever, and from this point on , never allow me to go back to the point from which I came.( Which brings me much sadness , and makes me feels like I have wasted much time unknowingly that I can now never get back….. no matter how hard I may wish.).
I have a feeling this goal is going to take a lot of courage on my part,( and perhaps even those around me)....with a period of grieving, and then hopefully, finally , to get to a point where I can simply let go, and allow life to happen as it may , no matter how out of control I may be feeling at that time.
I know it won’t be easy, and my personality will be clashing with this the whole way I am certain
.... but I am finding life does NOT always go as one often plans it to, and therefore , my hardest lesson to come to terms with , will be being “OK” with this fact. ( Which truly goes against every fiber of my being).
Perhaps once I know better on all of this, I will be able to explain myself with greater clarity, and be able to move onto the next step of getting through things with as much grace and dignity intact as humanly possible.
and in the mean time I am going to curl up into a fetal position, sing myself a very off tune lullaby till I cry myself to sleep, and dream of a life with little worries to struggle over
Ya I know, get real Dharma! :)