be happy

Love – I get home and my gorgeous puppy runs up at me, as though I have just returned from war and need all the love and hugs and puppy kisses he can throw at me.

Luck – Late for an appointment and if you late you might as well turn around and re-apply coz they will not allow you in. But I get there, walk up to security ready to be turned away in dispair. And they tell me today is my lucky day, the systems are down for maintenance and they doing everything manually – so I can pretend I got here 5 mins ago :)

Pink sunglasses – I lay on my bed thinking of the good old days. Finally pull out my memory box and find my old broken pair of pink plastic sunglasses and rememeber how awesome life was when I was young and at this moment I am truely happy.

I feel like a retard…

Got back 3 of my 4 results and I failed two modules… I feel like a complete idiot and am so disappointed in myself… previous years I messed around and that was reason for failing a module.

But this year – I worked my butt off, waking up early to read notes – late nights going thru past papares. I worked thru assignments and put in so much effort that this is killing me right now :(

I am so hating this whole situation… I know I’m not an academic, I’m more street smart but I still need a piece of paper to my name to prove I’m worth something in the working world.
The same piece of paper which will someday be framed and hung in some corner of my house… But still worth more than my own weight in gold.

OMG…
At one stage 43things was as big apart of my life as breathing. Yet I got distracted by new addictions, such as mxit and the ever famous Facebook.

In the past 12ish months, I’ve fallen inlove with the man I will always love, lost him to circumstances, yet still have him in my life. I’ve met new people from around the world, grown in my career, played mom to another’s child, bought my first car(for my mom thou), over heard my boss praise me at a time when I thought I went unnoticed, got motivated to keep studying and at 21 years olds I am proud of my life… where I’ve been and where I am going.

So I read thru my goals and thought where should my first post for 2008 be, and where else but “be happy”

Coz I am Happy… I really am and there is no feeling not even love or passion or pride or excitement that can feel as amazing as being HAPPY…!

I have issues about being alone forever. I am really young and don’t deserve to think this way, coz i’m putting myself down by thinking like this.

But i can’t help myself. Sadly I associate me being happy with having a guy in my life. I mean I don’t care about being the richest person alive or driving a smart car. I just want someone to love me.

I’ve just had my heart broken again, I feel so rejected. I can’t handle this anymore. My happiness was taken away from me and I can’t seem to find it now, when i need it the most.

I’m in tears while typing this entry but although my eyes give away my emotions now, no one can see the pain in my heart. I need to be happy but can’t find someone to love me… :-(

But I’m not as happy as I could be…
I’m love my job.
Love my Family to bits and am happy with the direction my life seems to follow on good days…

But there is always something missing
In my case it’s someone…

I just want to be loved and love someone without regret or doubt. But I’ve only had one failed realationship after another. When is my time to be happy going to came. Don’t get me wrong I’m not giving up hope but my hope is starting to fade…

It’s really odd but yesterday was the first time that I have ever just sat down and thought about what I really want in my life.

And as much as I want to be a huge success that doesn’t matter anymore. All I really want is to be happy. And I know that to be happy I don’t need to be rich and famous but I do want to lead the kind of life that I can be happy and proud off.

So thats the real reason that I chose to study further and the reason I set so high goals for myself. So when I’m earning a good salsry and can do things I enjoy and visiting places that I want to.

I will be happy because I have achieved the best I could for myself.
I will be proud!!!

I think that I am happy right now but I’m not sure if this is the happiest I can ever be.
I wake up with a smile on most days coz I’m in a job I enjoy and my family is around me, most of all if I wake up in a good mood it’s coz I had a good night’s sleep.
I’m happy with all that I’ve accomplished in my life but I will be happier when I meet all my goals and start a family of my own.
So I guess there is always something out there to make you happier than you already are…
Until I find that I am REALLY happy with my life, I am going to enjoy the present.