Say "no" every time i feel like it and not feel guilty

Breaking Up is hard to do.

I just broke-up with two toxic friends from college. I feel really good. I stood up for myself, and I spoke my truth. I told them both how I feel; therefore, they are no longer friends. They will be too mad to ever speak to me again. It is kind of sad, really. I have known them for over ten years, and yet they cannot seem to grow beyond their original emotional/spiritual IQ’s. I know that they are good people. I just can’t wait for them to realize that, and then GROW from it. they are the type who treat waitstaff poorly…I can’t handle that. I hate condescending behavior.

Anywho, this is all a part of my “no” saying, and not feeling guilty. I feel great, actually…like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. I don’t have to pretend to be their friend. I can just be myself. If I see them at parties, I can be nice. I just don’t have to get trapped in their brands of narcissism any longer.

Score!

So, this saying no thing is funny…I am finally getting to the point where I am finding it easy to say no. I find that I react in several physical ways when having to say no. I feel hot deep within…I start shaking…I probably turn red.

I find that people have two reactions to my “no’s.” I get “early Christian martyr,” which means “since I have caused you such grief, please…keep my paycheck as my way of apologizing.” ?? Or, “I am going to badger your will daily until I get what I want.” These are the exact reasons it is SO stinking difficult to say no to people. If I just say yes, hen I don’t get tortured by insane people. If I do say yes, insane people find me and latch on. I guess I am in a losing circle, really.

Most recently, I have been getting the “you are mean” reaction. This is why I have such a hard time saying no. I do not like to draw out problems for MONTHS. Why is it that no is not a suitable answer for some people? I guess that these folks have learned that badgering gets them what they want. “If I bug her every day for hours, she just might say yes!” AARGH! “If I call everyone she knows, she might change her mind.” AARGH! I must keep saying that her daughter did not do well in the audition. I am not going to change audition results because Mom has an issue with her child not being the star. What has happened to society that people no longer want to earn their place? Mom calls, and I should acquiesce…for her child’s mental health…what about teaching your child how to deal with not passing an audition?

AARGH!

So, I have been practicing this “no” business. I think I have lost a friendship now. It seems to me that this friendship was not the greatest anyhow. She is one of those folks who calls when she needs something, and as I am a sycophant, I would be the greatest person to call in times of need. She wanted me to be her maid of honor, and as I have done this three times previously for other folks, I decided that I have had my fill of being the bride’s bitch. I told her very politely, and I was not being vicious in any way. I even rehearsed what to say with three of my closest friends.

Now, the bride is giving me the silent treatment. I can’t say that I am surprised. As we only spoke at parties or gatherings anyway, perhaps I am not getting the silent treatment. Perhaps, she just doesn’t need anything at the moment.

The major thing for me is that I said no. I thought about the question. I weighed the positives and negatives. I spoke from my heart. If I was to salvage any feelings of friendship to this girl, I had to say no. Once I received the two-page “to do list” from her, I knew I couldn’t do it. Being a perfectionist, I would work my butt off for her. However, I could foresee that no matter what I did, something would be wrong, and it would be my fault. So, I find it best not to deal with people who refuse to be happy.

I have made my choice, and I feel SO much better. I am regretful that she feels as though she cannot respond to me. I feel that in her choice to not respond, she is choosing to end our friendship. I feel sad for her. But, I can say that I am not missing out on much. She was never a friend to me in the first place.

“No” has a very strange power to reveal truth in one’s life.

I am trying to say no more often. I am definitely feeling less guilty. Actually, i feel a little happier. I feel like I am putting myself first for a change. My mom says that she doesn’t like this new me. HA! It is because she is the one to whom I am saying no.