Stop pushing myself so hard

Took yesterday & today off due to extreme sinus pain, painkillers don’t seem to touch it. On my second, stronger course of antibiotics for it.

But I was tempted to soldier on (contract work) anyway – glad I chose not to.

I’m continuing to re-evaluate just how hard I want to work. Having rental income allows me to get by with much lower work income, so I have options now.

After all, the amount of fatigue I live with on an ongoing basis might be attributable to the amount of energy my body spends battling this chronic sinus infection and fending off colds etc – which the sinusitis probably makes me more susceptible to.

I’m again reflecting on my time in Gibsons, when life was more balanced for me…

I think I’ve gotten lackadaisical enough that this should be more or less complete!! lol

I’ve killed a good chunk of yesterday and today (and the day before! lol) playing with music and music software and doing some legwork for a charity I’m involved with. Fun and relatively unproductive! :c)

Actually, that’s not totally true. It’s just that these things are not related to paid work. That doesn’t make them useless.

Honestly, if I were some bored housewife, these would probably be regarded as very productive and healthy activities. lol!!! Funny how the practicality of some things is influenced by our perceptions of what we – or just certain types of people, or their roles – “should” be doing.

Nevertheless, for all that I’m indulging my lazy streak, I probably still have quite a ways to go with this one. I may not be pushing so hard, but the attitude is still there.

Still working on this one, having become aware of still having this tendency, albeit a bit less. I’m now starting to think that I would like my lifestyle to be a bit more like it was ten years ago, when I lived on the Sunshine Coast…that felt a lot healthier and more balanced.

Having reflected on my recent trouble at work, I can see that there are a number of major events in my life which centered around the dynamic of pushing myself too hard/letting myself be pushed too far. i.e. Accepting the unacceptable, putting up with too much negativity, etc.

It’s probably a bloody good thing I didn’t join the Reserves after all…!!! :c)

Considering the conflict I had at work recently, I guess I had better focus on this more, i.e. recognize that putting up with someone else’s toxic personality does not meet my needs – unless they are unhealthy needs!!! I wonder if being compassionate and understanding can be confused with being a martyr.

I didn’t exactly start the conflict, but I allowed myself to be invited to someone else’s anger party. There is a very fine line between learning to be more assertive and accepting those invitations, though…

The upshot of this is that I should have refused to work with that individual much earlier, though I had other (economic) reasons for staying where I was.

(Yes, this text can be found as a comment on several of my goals. That should indicate how much it’s tied to improving myself.)

I’m going to scale my business back from something I’ve been trying to do more or less full-time to something I will just do on the side now and then, and go find a regular job.

The time spent to do estimates etc is just too much. I always seem to have some chore looming over my head, and I have more than enough to do in my personal life.

Add in the grief and lost money caused me by the fact that I’ve attracted a few deadbeat clients over the past year, and I’ve had enough for now. I’ll keep my (other) winter business going, but I hope there will be enough regular work between now and then at that I’m currently doing. (Which will allow me to build up some reserves, God willing.) Cheques that don’t bounce!! lol

I was at the gym today, doing a cooldown on the recumbent bicycle at the end of my workout. I like to get a “mile” in – whatever that is! LOL – during my five-minute cooldown. So here I was, halfway through, and looking at the distance covered & time remaining. And found myself feeling tense about this, as in the feeling people get when they get high blood pressure! (“Hypertension”.) Now my blood pressure is always a little low, so I don’t have to worry about that – but why do I put myself in stressful positions for no reason? Sure, I easily made my target with only a little more effort, but why did I feel so strongly about something that doesn’t matter at all?

So I have a ways to go with this goal…

Well, not any more – but I did have a fever of 102F with a stomach flu recently. I’d had an appointment to wrap things up with a client that day, but eventually (after waking up with the fever) decided to call that one off. That was tough for me because I’d had to reschedule some other things with him a few times, which is bad business.

But the guy is very friendly, and let it slide.

I also let a social commitment go, and I will not be able to pick that one up again until sometime in the new year…which also holds up something else (related) I’d like to get into.

But I decided not to push myself when I was sick and had little energy. So that’s progress. :c)

I must be a raving success at this goal, since it seems like I’m not pushing myself that hard at all. I put pursuing a couple of contracts recently, mostly just a combination of mild laziness and wanting to rest up a bit.

I did manage to finish my business taxes in that time, though, and I’ve been whittling down some other things on my to-do list. I also put time into my business by doing things like estimating jobs, doing some drafting, and analyzing the cost/time breakdown of jobs I’ve done in the past. That helps me to estimate them better in the present. I’m also getting some told to-do list items from my personal life done.

So I’m sort of taking it easy, though I’m still doing useful things. The need to earn a living is still a monkey on my back, though. Doing my taxes puts money back in my pocket, but I still get very antsy about not having cash coming in regularly. Well, things are tough all over in construction, so I’m not the only one. For now, I’ve made some flyers and improved my business cards, so I’m still plugging away at it.

Oddly enough, it does feel like a decent work/life balance. If I had some occasional work, even little contracts here and there, I would be quite satisfied to keep doing this. :c)